Stolen
by Ione-Sama
Summary: "Perhaps it was no particular one thing about her, but all of them together that rendered him in this present dangerous situation but regardless, he knew that this would possibly be the most difficult battle he would fight in his entire life."
1. You Steal Away My Heart

A/N: Hi all! So I rescently watched hakuouki and also read some awesome fanfiction-particularly saitoxchizuru; i've officially fallen in love with them as a couple so i'm trying my hand at a one-shot-possibly more-of these two. hope you enjoy!

xoxo!

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from the moment he laid eyes on chizuru yukimura, hajime saito knew he was in trouble.

he didn't know if it was the fact that she dressed as a man,

that she was a lone woman, braving the perilous streets of kyoto in search of her father,

or if it was her brazen determination to stand up to hijikata and the rest of the shinsengumi.

perhaps it was no particular one thing but all of them together that rendered him in this present dangerous situation but regardless, he knew that this would possibly be the most difficult battle he would fight in his entire life.

it angered him at first; she had no business being allowed to survive-being a witness of the shinsengumi's secret plans to save the empire, for all intensive purposes, she should have been slain on the spot.

but hijikata-san had been adament that she be aloud to survive on account of her familial connection with kondo-san.

yes, he was definitely angry

and pissed off

and completely confused.

he couldn't fathom what his commander's purpose was in all of this; keeping her alive made absolutely no sense to him. but then he was never one to question hijikata's orders...at least, not openly.

so he kept his mouth shut

and followed orders.

secondly, he was irritated by the fact that she seemed completely unpurterbed by the fact that she was forced to reside in the company of soley men-and not just regular men, but skilled warriors, proficient in the deadly arts. not only did she seem completely unbothered by her present predicament, she even had the audacity to venture outside of her quarters-which he had explicitly instructed her not to leave-and beg him to give her some useful task to undertake.

he was irritated by her blatant disregard of his strict instructions but if possible, he was even more annoyed by the fact that she was desperate to be of service to him and his comrades.

she was a prisoner! didn't she understand that? yet here she was, acting as if she owed them a huge debt of grattitude and she would not give way until he had-reluctantly-given her permission to undertake the household duties of cleaning and cooking.

what made it even worse was the way her doe-like brown eyes sparkled with child-like excitment at the prospect of finally being useful. and the bright radiant smile she bestowed upon him as she bowed and let out an enthusiastic "arigatou, saito-san!" bounding away, was even more painful for his sensibilites to withstand.

as time went on, these little irritations and inconveniences became more and more frequent from the moment that she was finally aloud to wander about outside of her quarters, to the moment that she was invited to take meals with them, all the way up to the moment that she was finally 'welcomed' and recognized as one of them.

and when that moment arrived, saito knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was in great peril...

he had-against all odds and inspite of his whole-hearted efforts-fallen completely and passionately in love with chizuru yukimura.

there was no denying it.

or running away from it.

he'd denied it for the entire year that she had been among them and at every moment of their interaction when he had feared discovery, he had fled from her with everything he had.

but it was to no avail.

somehow she had been faster than him.

and unwittingly, she had completely bewitched him-mind, heart and soul and there was no amount of fighting or denial on his part that could free himself from her now.

she was too brave.

too sweet and kind.

too selfless.

too enchanting.

too innocent.

too beautiful.

how could he look at her and deny the burning fire that rose in his chest every time her doe eyes turned their gaze upon him.

how could he pretend that the deep ache in his heart didn't exist or that the sharp hunger and longing in his body for her was just a figment of his imagination?

he couldn't.

so he did the only thing he knew how.

he took all of his feelings and passions for her and burried them deep within himself, locking them away so that there was no possible way they could ever be discovered.

he kept his mind busy with more strenuous training, intense meditation and prayer and of course, the vibrant company of his comrades also afforded him a great deal of distraction.

but even still, there were those rare moments that he was still unable to completely quell his thoughts and desires for her.

and this was one such moment; when she unexpectedly brought him his morning tea after he'd spent a few long hours of meditation at the small temple shrine.

"your tea, saito-san."

He turned somewhat abruptly to find her kneeling at his side, facing him with a cup of warm black tea in her hand with that insufferably beautiful smile gracing her lips.

"chizuru-san...I don't recall sending for tea-?"

"oh you didn't saito-san-that is, you didn't have to, i just know that you like to take your tea right after your morning prayers so i thought i'd bring it out to you and save you the trouble!" she beamed brightly at him.

that was another thing that annoyed him-she knew his habits to a t. but this annoyance wasn't in the true sense of the word, it simply made it all the more difficult for him to conceal his affections for her and it made it exceedingly difficult for him to focus on keeping these passions at bay. he had been quite proficient so far and overall, managed to maintain his decorum and indifference towards her without too much effort. but when she appeared before him like this-alone and offering him such little comforts that betrayed her thorough knowlege of his likes and dislikes, it was suddenly a painful and constant uphill battle to maintain his self-control and poise in her presence. but there wasn't much that could be done about it now so swallowing the tightness coiling in his throat and shoving down the discomfort swelling up in his chest, he set his countenance in a calm and controlled expression and took the proferred tea from her outstretched hands.

the moment the warm liquid touched his tongue, he withdrew it almost as if he'd been burned and turned astonished eyes on her.

"this...this is black tea."

she nodded but her eyes looked at him quizzically. "yes...? is it to your taste? I didn't brew it for too long did I?!" her eyes widened with panic just then and her cheeks tinged red with mounting embarassment.

"no. no it isn't...it is brewed just fine, chizuru-san...it is just that...very few know that i prefer black tea to the traditional green tea..." he trailed off, his sapphire eyes gazing once again at the contents of his cup.

"O-oh. well i-i've noticed that there's only one canister of black tea in the tea cabinet-and i've never seen any of the others use it-and whenever you've taken tea with the rest of us, yours is always poured from a separate kettle than the green tea. so i knew it had to be you...I hope i haven't overstepped or-o-offended you, saito-san." her head tilted slightly downwards and her cheeks still held a hint of red but then saito did something that surprised her.

he laid a hand on her head-somewhat affectionately-and offered her the smallest of smiles, yet coming from a man like saito who was always so calm and serious, that smile seemed like the brightest ray of sunshine and she couldn't help the blush that rose to her cheeks-now for very different reasons. "do not worry yourself, little chizuru...you haven't offended me in any way...thank you for the tea." his hand lingered for a moment longer than he'd intended and suddenly fearing he was crossing a line, his hand slipped wordlessly from her head and he returned to drinking his tea in silence.

chizuru watched him for a moment, her eyes lingering on his handsome profile that was always fixed in such a serene and serious expression. she wondered what his smile would look like...and not one of his small shy smiles that he so rarely offered...but an actual smile that reached his eyes; she smiled softly then, imagining that nothing could be more beautiful than saito's sapphire eyes gleaming with a smile.

"was-there something else, chizuru-san?"

"eh?"

"you're-staring at me."

she blushed furiously just then. _oh gods, i got distracted-ugh, he must think i'm such a fool!_

"f-forgive me, saito-san!" she bowed apologetically, still blushing furiously under his penetrating stare. "it was nothing...excuse me!" scrambling to her feet, she turned and hurried back inside to attend to the morning housework and to escape saito's earnest eyes which were somehow making her nervous and giddy all at once.

she softly, but firmly pounded the side of her head with the heal of her hand. _stop being so silly, chizuru! you shouldn't be having such ridiculous thoughts about saito-san; he is your superior and your friend-nothing more! _

but if chizuru had chanced one last glance over her shoulder, she would have seen hajime saito's sapphire eyes lingering after her and a rare, beautiful smile on his lips. _"...chizuru...why must you...steal away my heart?"_


	2. Ambush

It was his turn to go on night patrol...and much to his great misfotune, Chizuru was to accompany him. He waited at the gate and soon, he turned to the sound of steadily running feet.

she approached him, her dainty feet coming to a stop as she breathed somewhat heavily from her hastening.

Her eyes were glittering with energy, excitement and passion.

He groaned inwardly.

Of course he knew it was a passion and excitement for the coming task of night patrol; she always loved going out with them at night. But this simple fact did nothing to erase the somewhat heated and fastly-growing inappropriate thoughts plundering his head, imagining those same wide, passionate eyes turned onto him for very different reasons.

He shook his head, demanding these thoughts to make haste and disappear.

She accosted him then with a bright smile shining in the depths of those doe eyes and a happy greeting.

Damn it, he didn't need this distraction tonight of all nights; he needed to be completely and utterly focused on his task; patrolling the streets of Kyoto was a dangerous job but the perils thereof were multiplied nearly ten-fold in the onset of night.

This made him nervous when she was in his company; not only did her presence distract him but it also meant there was always a possibility of her coming to harm and this disturbed him more than anything else; he couldn't afford to not do his job to the fullest extent of perfection but...

If she were to be harmed...

Or worse...

_that _would be his greatest transgression by far; duty be hanged. He knew if he was left with a choice, his katana would be used to its fullest in facilitating her protection...and he would even put his life on the line to ensure the safety of hers.

He knew this all too well and it was the root of his present reluctancy at her accompanying him.

He was compromised when it came to her, in every aspect and this was what angered him the most.

It was also completely unacceptable.

But there wasn't much he could do at present.

It was his turn to take on the night shift.

And it was Chizuru's turn to accompany him.

So biting his tongue and squaring his shoulders, he gestured for her to follow him, strictly admonishing her to stay close and remain quiet no matter what happened.

Hours ticked by agonizingly slow; the minutes seeming to stretch on for decades as Saito and chizuru made their way from street to street, carefully and meticulously inspecting every alley way and darkened doorway for any possible sign of trouble.

so far, the city was quiet but to Saito it was almost eerily so; something didn't feel right. The air was too still and there wasn't the slightest hint of movement which made him even more apprehensive. Reflexively, his hand fell to the hilt of his katana and he was poised to draw his sword at a moment's notice.

Chizuru took notice of Saito's change in behavior and her brown eyes fell expectantly to the hand that rested against his katana. She knew all too well what this meant; Saito sensed something was out of place and for whatever reason, he didn't trust that they weren't being watched.

"Chizuru-san. Do you see the next street we are coming to...off to your left. The doorway with the red banner above it?" His voice was barely above a whisper but it was firm, calm and calculating.

Chizuru's eyes drifted carefully to the place he had indicated and she nodded once wordlessly.

"There is somone hiding just beyond the door frame; I can't be certain if it is a ronin but I have sensed the aura as we have drawn closer. whoever they are, their intentions are not honorable...and they are most likely not alone." They were slowly nearing the street that led off to the left, the fated doorway coming more fully into view and Saito's fingers deftly and noiselessly began to draw his katana.

"When I give you the signal, you are to duck into the doorway of that inn just before it; make it appear as though you are merely a customer seeking lodgings for the evening. once you are safely inside, do not come out under any circumstances, do you understand? It is imperative that you stay hidden and out of sight."

She wanted to protest but one look at his icy sapphire eyes set against the backdrop of a stern expression, she knew it wasn't up for debate and merely nodded resigned.

"Good." And with that, a few more steps were taken and at a bearly perceptable nod from Saito, Chizuru advanced carefully towards the inn doorway and ducked quietly inside.

And in the next moment, all hell broke loose.

The sound of Japanese swords clashing against each other mingled with angry shouts deffened her ears and she bit down on her lip hard, resisting the strong urge to run to Saito's aid.

It was a ridiculous notion really; she had witnessed Saito in the heat of combat many a time and there was no doubt in her mind that he was doubtlessly the most skilled warrior and swordsmen of the shinsengumi-and in her opinion-of all Japan. She therefore had no need to fear that he needed assistance, least of all from her who possesed no measure of skill with the sword even remotely.

Yet for some reason, here she was clutching at her hakama and hot tears stinging the corners of her eyes as she prayed fiercely for Saito's safety.

_Please...endow all of your strength with Saito-san...let him fight well and...keep him s-safe! _ One lone tear managed to escape unbidden down her porcelain cheek and then suddenly, she was surprised from behind and found herself in a vice grip that nearly crushed her lungs, depriving her of oxygen and a sharp kodachi pressed to her delicate throat, doubtlessly breaking the tender skin there.

_what!? Someone was here? ...did they see me enter? I let my guard down...how could I have been so careless?!_

Whoever her captor was, he kept his visage hidden from her as he forcefully moved beyond the doorway of the inn and once again, pushing her ahead of him yet still keeping a firm grasp on her. Chizuru found herself once again in Kyoto street, bathed in the harsh pale moonlight from above.

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After Chizuru disappeared from sight, it didn't take long before Saito was set upon by his enemies; a modest group of six rouge ronin coming at him from North, East and West in clusters of two at a time. They bared their katanas whose blades glistened menacingly in the moonlight as they came at him with ferocity.

Saito however was not alarmed nor taken by surprise; on the contrary, he stood his ground, his countenance serene and void of any stress or uncertainty.

His sapphire eyes were alight with intensity and possessed a fierce burning fire as his enemies drew nearer.

He poised himself, flawlessly and at the last possible moment, withdrew his katana in a fluid motion and swiftly incapacitated his opponent with a quick clean cut to his midsection. The assailant let out a cry of agony before crumpling to the ground, a ragged breath escaping him as he breathed his last, bathed in the pool of his own blood.

Almost immediately, the second opponent decended upon him yet Saito's calm deadly aura never wavered as he quickly and flawlessly took out his second oponent with a brutal yet clean stab to his sternum.

the sound of steel slicing through flesh, muscle and bone pierced the night air as opponent after opponent fell at the hand of Hajime Saito.

If one had been witness to the blood-chilling display, they would have described the Shinsengumi Samurai's movements as fluid, graceful and flawless as though each calculating movement and precise cutting of the blade were the steps to an intricate dance that only the most proficient warriors were adept to perform.

It was ruthless.

blood-chilling.

Horrific as the sound of tearing flesh and shattering bone continued to echo its deadly serendade through the eery stillness of the night.

Yet, there was something beautiful and awe-inspiring in the effortless way Saito wielded his katana.

His hands never trembled.

His steps never faltered.

And his cold, piercing sapphire eyes never waverd as the blood of his enemies drenched the edge of his blade and stained the hem of his kimono.

He was down to the last two ronin who decided to come at him from both sides in a futile attempt to trap him in the crosshairs of their blades, when Suddenly a third ronin materialized out of nowhere, catching Saito off-guard as he emerged from the shadows of the inn off to their left.

Saito withdrew a dagger concealed at his hip and was just about to thrust it at the surprise offender when suddenly, his hand froze mid-air.

The shadowy assailant came into full view...and he was not alone.

Brown eyes.

Doe-like brown eyes, widened as cold steel of a kodachi was pressed harshly against a delicate, slender neck, breaking the tender flesh.

Saito's katana rattled violently as his hand shook.

His sapphire eyes glazed over in an icy deadly stare and then the next moment, they were ablaze with a hot and terrible anger as they shifted from the blade at Chizuru's throat to the cold eyes of her captor.

Chizuru inhaled sharply; she had witnessed Saito in many battles and had witnessed his cold, deadly skill firsthand but never before had she seen such ire and black hatred reflected in his eyes-it froze her heart and chilled her to the bone as he drew up to his full height and raised his katana, poised to strike. "Spill-even a single drop of her blood-and I _promise _you _will bathe _in yours."

Her blood turned cold as the deadly tone of his voice struck her and for a moment, she could have sworn her captor's hands trembled with fear.

She didn't blame him and for the briefest of moments, she felt sorry that he had been unfortunate enough as to cross paths with Saito.

Presently, Saito's eyes hardened further and his brows drew together in a harsh V as he leveled his blade at his opponent-his eyes flashing a deadly promise. "I am not in the practice of giving a warning to my enemy before I strike; I _will not _say it twice."

Chizuru's eyes flashed sideways and upwards to accertain whether or not the ronin was disposed to release her.

The man's eyes squinted in hesitation and Chizuru braced herself, knowing a moment's hesitation was a moment too late.

Steel sliced through the air as Saito thrust his katana at the head of his opponent with deadly accuracy.

The blade pierced him between the eyes and blood spattered his ashen face, gushing profusely as he crumbled to the ground-blood pooling around him.

Chizuru was rooted to the spot as she beheld her captor indeed _bathing _in a pool of his own blood, at her feet.

Just as Saito had promised.

Seconds seemed to stretch on forever as she stood frozen, her eyes wide with surprise and a hint of horror at how close she had come to death; she had been at the very threashold and though she had been surrounded by death many times over the passed year, it never struck her so forcefully as now.

Suddenly, her eyes snapped from the crumbled heep of the bloodied corpse and connected with Saito's intense Sapphire orbs.

And that was the moment it all hit her full force.

All color drained from her face and her legs went numb against her will and she could do nothing but slump to the ground, nearly fainting.

However, a pair of strong arms caught her around the waist just before she collapsed and her weight was born against a very strong, broad chest.

Chocolate brown clashed with sapphire blue.

Her lips parted as she gasped weakly. "F-forgive me-Saito-san."

"...Do not speak. the fault is not yours...Chizuru-_chan..."_

She gasped again; though she barely heard it for it was uttered in a near whisper, she caught the change in the honorific he used; _'chan' _ which held a much more intimate significance than 'chan' which was a much more generic term and one he had used for her since the day they met. This sudden change surprised her and even in her weakened state she was inwardly invigorated with a sharp curiosity and daringly, her eyes searched his face in earnest and her expression turned hopeful.

"Saito-san-comen nasai-he came at me-the inn-he h-he came at me from behind I-didn't see him, I'm so sor-"

Saito shook his head as he lifted Chizuru into his arms and stood to his feet.

She was so light, petite and fragile as he gathered her in his arms more securely. Her tiny head tucked under his chin perfectly and rested against his chest and her slender arms came somewhat eagerly around his neck as she clung to him tightly. His heart constricted painfully for he could only imagine how rattled and frightened she must have been. Even now, there were still traces of terror around the edges of her eyes and the color in her cheeks was still vacant, leaving her looking pale and exhausted.

He pressed her tighter against him as he made his way quickly and stealthily through the streets, back the way they had came. He fought against the urge to run at top speed so as not to attract any possible unwanted attention and yet her hurried as fast as he dared, his keen desire being to carry her to safety as quickly as possible.

It seemed an eternity before they finally reached the gate to headquarters but once safely inside, Hajime breathed a heavy-and shaky sigh of relief. Looking down, he noticed Chizuru had succomed to sleep in his arms and the warrior samurai selfishly allowed himself a few forbidden moments to let his eyes linger on her sleeping visage which now appeared so serene and peaceful. Shinpachi met him just before the entrance to the house and catching the tiny Chizuru fast asleep in Saito's arms, he couldn't hold back a knowing grin.

"Looks like night patrol was more on the eventful side." He moved to assist Saito and relieve him of the sleeping Chizuru but to his astonishment, Saito jerked away, visibly stiffening and tightened his hold on Chizuru. His eyes flashed warningly at Shinpachi and the younger man, held up his hands deffensively as he eyed his comrade worriedly. "Hey, easy Saito-I'm not gonna hurt her I was just trying to help you out, you look like shit an' like you're about ready to drop."

Saito halted, his eyes flickering down to Chizuru's sleeping face then back up to Shinpachi; he marginally relaxed but gave no indication of releasing her to Shinpachi or anyone for that matter. "I know you would never hurt her-while on patrol we were ambushed. I wasn't unprepared; I had a plan and Chizuru followed my orders without question. ...But as you know, there is always one element of every battle we face that we can never account for no matter how skilled we are or how proficient we are in knowing our enemy. She hid before the fighting started but she was surprised from behind. I am not certain if her attacker was with the ronin I fought or not but he had the advantage nonetheless-and he was fortunate enough to-catch me off guard at just the right moment-" Saito grimaced and Shinpachi knew it was extremely painful for the elder samurai to admit he had been bested by an enemy. However it surprised Shinpachi more than anything else because he knew Hajime was the sharpest and most skilled swordsman among them; for someone to catch him off guard and back him into a corner, he was convinced it was nothing but shear dumb luck. _No _man whether ronin, samurai or otherwise, could best Hajime Saito-and live to tell the tail.

Suddenly, it dawned on him and he neared his companion. "-Well I know the other guy had to have lost at least a limb over it-"

Saito entered the house with Shinpachi at his side and carried Chizuru to her room. Once the futon was laid out-courtesy of Shinpachi-Saito knelt down and laid her down gently, pulling the covers up to her chin and tucking them around her shoulders.

"-To be honest, no he did not lose _at least _a limb."

Shinpachi frowned at this. He knew mercy was not Hajime's style by any means; when the man struck an enemy, it was to kill. Always had been and always would be. His brow furrowed as the two men quietly exited Chizuru's room.

Saito however paused at the doorway and took one last look before noislessly closing the shoji door behind them. "-he had a kodachi to her throat. I informed him he would bathe in his blood if he dared spill even a drop of hers-"

Shinpachi had been a samurai all his life, spilled his fair share of blood yet even his blood ran slightly cold when he heard Saito's chilling last words to his opponent. "-Now that sounds more like you; so?"

Hajime glanced sideways at him, then his eyes fixated straight ahead as he answered passively. "-Needless to say the man hesitated a moment too long for my taste."

Shinpachi sucked on his teeth, a cat-like grin glinting in his eyes. "Ah so then you made good on your promise I take it."

Hajime made no reply.

Shinpachi carefully watched his companion out of the corner of his eye as the two men walked out onto the engawa, one settling on the steps and the other standing rigidly beside him.

Shinpachi looked up at Saito and though his companion's sapphire eyes were focused and nearly expressionless, he detected small traces of anger, hatred-and one other emotion he had never before seen in Hajime Saito.

Fear.

He stood to his feet then and looked Saito square in the eyes. "You were afraid, weren't you."

It wasn't a question but a statement that held an element of surprise and disbelief.

Hajime kept his eyes trained on the stary sky above. "I have never feared death once in my life."

"No I'm not talkin' about death, Saito-I'm talking about Chizuru."

Hajime's eyes shifted almost inperceptibly, but the change was there and Shinpachi saw it.

"You knew-you knew you had him; you knew there was never any possible way he could beat you but-he had _Chizuru _and that's what scared you-because with her-he could have used her as a shield or worse-"

Saito cut him off just then. "He wasn't using her as a shield-and as much as he would have wished to think he had an advantage over me, there was never a moment where he had the upper hand."

Shinpachi let out a long breath and studied Saito closely, gauging his reaction. "Yet he surprised her from behind you said-which means he could have killed her if he'd wanted-"

Suddenly, Saito's eyes snapped to Shinpachi's and flashed dangerously. "-His aim wasn't to kill her-" He nearly choked on the word as it left his lips, leaving a bitter taste in its wake. "His aim was to trap me in the crosshairs-nothing more."

"I know that, Saito but-I can't believe that the possibility of it never once crossed your mind-you had to have at least known that if his motives had been different or if-if he had seen her as an obstacle in his path instead of a tool he could use to get to you-"

Saito's fist clenched around the hilt of his katana. "Yes, in fact it could have turned out differently; however it is of no consequence he met the same fate regardless and that would not have changed no matter what the outcome might have been."

"I understand that Saito but you're missing my point! My point is, you were rattled by what happened out there and I know you don't get rattled easily; he had Chizuru at the point of a blade and I _know _by that dark look in your eyes right now, it more than just pissed you off. You were furious _and _you were scared because even the fleeting _thought _that she could've been killed, scared you to death!"

Saito was growing aggitated and he didn't like the direction this heated exchange with Shinpachi was headed. He rarely lost his composure with anyone but Shinpachi always had a special way of pushing him passed the limits of patience and at length he turned on him and made little effort to conceal his discomfiture as his eyebrows furrowed sharply and his blue eyes darkened. "What is it exactly that you are trying to _accuse _me of, Shinpachi because if you are suggesting that I put Chizuru's life at uneccessary risk-in any way, I am not going to dignify your groundless implications by being affronted."

"Oh don't give me that bullshit, Hajime, you know exactly what I'm talking about! The bastard had you cornered _because _of Chizuru and that didn't just piss you off, it scared you shitless because you have feelings for her and if she'd died, you would have never forgiven yourself!"

Saito's eyes widened and his lips parted marginally at Shinpachi's bold accusation.

_Damn him, it seems I've taught him too well to be observant and mindful._

Saito betrayed nothing verbally however and his serene aura was only momentarily thwarted. He even allowed himself the hint of a disbelieving smile as he responded quite calmly. "I haven't the faintest idea where you come up with such colorful ideas, Shinpachi but honestly this one surpasses all the previous in absurdity."

Shinpachi only rolled his eyes and groaned irritatedly. "Yeah that's right, go ahead and play it off but I'm not stupid, Saito; I _know you. _I've known you my whole life and besides that, we both know I can read you better than anyone here, even Hijikata. You're in love with Chizuru and you have been since the first day you laid eyes on her. I saw it the moment you and Hijikata brought her home-no one else would know it and hell, I doubt anyone does to this day but you can't get something like that past me."

Saito was silent but every muscle in his body pulled taught as he realized that his long-concealed feelings towards the young woman were no longer his secret.

Now Shinpachi knew and for Saito, it only made things worse. Now he felt as if the most private parts of his heart and soul had been shamelessly invaded and even though he knew this was never Shinpachi's intentions, it still left him feeling somewhat resentful towards the younger well-meaning samurai.

"Look, Saito-I'm not trying to disrespect you here and you need to know that nothing about this changes my respect or loyalty towards you. I know this-isn't something you want me knowing or anyone else for that matter and I know you've fought against your feelings for her for a long time. I'm not here to out you-even though I don't necessarily agree with the fact that you are choosing to deny this, it's none of my business and I would never do anything to jeapordize your trust in me or our friendship. I just-I just don't want you to lie to my face, that's all I ask."

Saito was silent for a long moment, processing Shinpachi's words and finally, he turned to his friend and offered one of his rare small smiles as he nodded. "I understand, Shinpachi; I know you have always looked after my best interest and I-value your opinion. You are not just my comrade, you are also my brother and-I would never willingly do anything to betray your confidence in me." His cheeks flushed slightly and Shinpachi couldn't help the teasing smile playing at the corners of his mouth as he clapped Saito good-naturedly on the back.

"There now, see? that wasn't so hard now was it-damn, are you blushing again?! for pity's sake, Saito you're kind of pitiful you know that? you blush over the stupidest things!" He chortled then and Saito's cheeks only got redder as the two men returned inside, both suddenly tired and anxious for a night of much-needed sleep.


	3. Rasetsu Attack

**A/N: Hey all! So just a few quick notes to help you navigate through this particular chapter; **_Italics _**that appear in **_**" " (quotations) **_**are moments when the characters are yelling/arguing...in other words they represent heated dialogue between the characters. regular** _italics _**that appear WITHOUT quotations, stand for the typical internal dialogue/thoughts of the characters. Just wanted to clarify those few things so that nobody got lost or confused while reading! This particular chapter I'm super proud of because it has a lot of angsty action as well as intense & subtle romance action so hope you all enjoy to the fullest! **

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The first time she said his name was the night of the Aoi Matsuri(festival). It was early May and Hijikata felt it was crucial for all his men to have a night off. Everyone had been working over-time in preparations for their invasion against the choshu and it was quite evident, they were all worn down to a frazzle and working on their last nerve.

They had taken and early lunch and decided to for go dinner in favor of eating out; the Matsuri was always a guarantee of exquisite food as well as lively entertainment and music.

The men of the Shinsengumi split up into smaller groups however-not wishing to draw any unwanted attention-and left for Shimabara at separate times. Hijikata, Saito, Okita and shinpachi were all in a group together and then there was Heisuke, Sannan, Harada-and after some desperate urging on both Heisuke and Harada's part-Chizuru also joined their small group.

Hijikata's group left about half an hour ahead of them and then Sannan and the rest followed. They all met up at one of Shimabara's famous Geisha houses, in the hart of the red district and were immediately welcomed warmly and offered one of the best rooms in the house.

Chizuru felt a bit embarrassed and out of place as they were all surrounded by a company of fawning beautiful geishas who seemed very familiar with Hijikata and his group of men. No doubt they had come here many a nights before this so Chizuru knew she shouldn't be in the least bit surprised and yet here she was-a lone woman in men's clothing-in the midst of her fellow comrades yet surrounded by fellow women who's bewitching beauty and witty charms suddenly made her feel much less than adequate.

Soon however, her thoughts were lost in the growing festivities of the evening and at length, the boys grew more rowdy and relaxed as they indulged in limitless servings of sake, accompanied by the most exquisite delicacies the night had to offer. Souji in particular seemed to let loose and eventually came up with the 'brilliant' idea that their geisha should take Chizuru into the back room and dress her up! Lady Akagenu was extremely fond of the idea, seeming almost desperate to get Chizuru out of her 'positively atrocious attire' but she felt instant panic at the prospect and tried to disuade them, making the excuse that it was by no means something that piqued her desire whatsoever. However, Souji's pleas became more adament and he was soon joined by Heisuke, shinpachi and even Sannan-san offered his trademark overly-pleasent smile and said it would do her good to appeal to her feminine tendencies once again.

She had lost the battle so dejected, she reluctantly allowed herself to be led away and disappeared beyond the curtain with Lady Akagenu.

The men continued their boistrous interactions until finally, Lady Akagenu re-appeared and with the most triumphant smile and dramatic flourish she presented Chizuru to her friends.

Chizuru trembled; never feeling so frightened and vulnerable in all her life as she timidly step out into the golden glow of the room. Her eyes were trained on the tatami floor and her face held a very timid innocence to it as she came fully into view, halting just beside Lady Akagenu.

Every man in the room went ramrod still and breathless at the very sight of her. She was dressed in a stunning elaborate geisha kimono of pale pink coupled with vibrant red, gold and emerald that hugged her waist and hips and showcasing her striking hourglass figure for the first time. There was a stunning indigo blue bow that adorned her waistline and it only served to lavishly accent the kimono's perfect color scheme. Her hair was pulled up in an elaborate chingon held together by gold plated chopsticks and red and gold ribbon with a few silky strands of chestnut tresses framing her face.

Her lips were painted a stunning hew of crimson and her eyes had a light dusting of coal and rose powder that made her chocolate brown orbs pop.

To put it simply, she was a flawless picture of breath-taking perfection and everyone in the room could scarcely believe their eyes.

"Oh my god! Chizuru you...you really look like a girl! I mean, like a pretty girl!" Heisuke gushed and the rest of his comrades followed suit in lavishing her with compliments and bright smiles of approval. "Damn, you make that kimono look better than any geisha in Shimabara!"

"It really brings out the color of your hair!"

"Absolutely stunning, Chizuru-san."

"Well I can definitely see why you dressed like a man all this time!"

"Hell yeah, you'd have been jumped on the minute you set foot in Kyoto if you came lookin' like a girl for sure!"

Her cheeks were positively burning as all the boys crowded around her and she suddenly couldn't breathe. "Oh please, stop with all this nonsense, it's nothing!" She waved her hands frantically and finally, the men backed up just a little to give her some space. She huffed a sigh of relief and shook her head. "I never dressed as a woman because I knew _this _is the reaction I would get! I don't want you all treating me like I'm some fragile japanese doll, ok? Please...I just want to be one of the group; I want equal treatment, not special treatment and-this-fivilous display is proof that that is exactly what would happen." She looked to each one of them imploringly, only briefly noticing that Saito was not among the group as she continued. "I know you all do what you can to protect me and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that but...I just want to be who I am...and who I am is not...this. I'm a woman, yes but I'm also a member of the Shinsengumi and...you all are my brothers-at least, I feel like you are and I just want things to remain the same."

They all smiled at her, nodding their heads in understanding.

"This is fine for tonight." She gestured to her festive garb. "But just promise me that none of you will treat me any differently come tomorrow?"

Harada was the first to speak, petting Chizuru's head affectionately. "Of course we promise, Chizuru! We wouldn't want it any other way; no matter how you dress, you'll always be the same to us."

"Damn straight!" Shinpachi and Okita chimed in in unison.

Soon they had all settled back into an easy comfortable atmosphere and the evening's festivities resumed.

At length, Chizuru excused herself to get some fresh air outdoors but when she stepped out onto the second floor engawa that overlooked the main square of Shimabara, she was startled to find Saito seated on the low bench by the nearest railing, a cup of untouched sake in his hands as his eyes gazed out over the bright, lively city. He was quiet and reserved, appearing not to notice her presence so she turned and walked down a few more paces away from him, not wishing to disturb him. She leaned over the railing and took in the glorious sight of Shimabara Square alight with floating lanterns, sparklers and the colorful floats of the Aoi Matsuri parade as it slowly made it's way up the main road.

"So you believe that you would be treated differently if you were to present yourself as a woman, is that it?"

She started momentarily, surprised by the sudden sound of Saito's deep voice breaking the silence. "I just know that-a woman is perceived in a considerably different light than a man. I'm not saying that I presume to think myself equal to the strengths and character of a man but I do believe that I can offer a strength of will and spirit that is just as important...and I don't think that would be accepted if anyone saw me physically as a woman. It would be far too difficult for you all to let me go on at your side as I have been. It would be-too much of a compromise for you and the others and I think we both know it."

He was silent. Then he rose from his seat and wordlessly moved down to where she was and seated himself on the low bench at her side. "But you _are _a woman. And inspite of the fact that you present yourself as a man in the manner of your dress, I don't think any one of us has ever disregarded that fact. You may not see it but we all see you as a woman and we never allow ourselves to forget it because it is the very thing that drives us to do all within our power-to protect you. You may think you've convinced us and yourself that merely changing your dress affords you the advantage of not being cared for or treated as a woman, but you are wrong; we will _always _remember what you are-Chizuru-chan-and we will always protect you with our lives." For the first time, his sapphire eyes met her astonished gaze and she felt tears of overwhelming emotion prickling at the corners of her eyes.

She was astonished at his words for they reached her heart and touched her soul so deeply, she felt the purest and deepest affection for the members of the Shinsengumi-for they had become her family.

Even moreso however, she was surprised at these words having come from Saito's own lips; he was never one for sentimentalism and had always been a man of few words. This rare expression of his feelings was something Chizuru had never been privy to and she was rendered completely speechless.

And there it was again, that distinct change in honorific he used;

_"We will always remember what you are-chizuru-chan-"_

"S-saito-san-"

His eyes came to meet hers again.

She was so breath-takingly beautiful; and it wasn't just the kimono either; in his eyes, she had always possessed a striking uncommon beauty that left him breathless at moments like this. He noticed the subtle glistening in her eyes as if she was witholding the tears as best she could and he couldn't help the teasing grin that escaped him as he petted her head. "Don't look so worried, Chizuru-chan...all will be well; you have no need to fear that anything will be different-you will always be the same to us." His hand fell to her cheek where it lingered momentarily as he suddenly got lost in the depths of her eyes.

Then unexpectedly, she reached up and pressed her tiny hand to the back of his, smiling radiantly with a slight blush rising to her cheeks. "Arigatou, Saito-san; that means the world to me."

He gasped, realizing what he was doing and his hand dropped away from her face and he stiffened as a red hue dusted his cheeks. He cleared his throat awkwardly and Chizuru had to make a conscious effort to suppress a giggle from escaping; he was so adorable at how he blushed at the silliest things, she had never known someone so serious and confident and yet so painfully bashful at the same time.

Just then, Saito's expression turned apprehensive and his head shot up sharply. "Someone's near-and it is someone that shouldn't be."

Chizuru's eyes widened in alarm and she became almost breathless as she watched Saito's sapphire eyes carefully scanning the area around them; they darted from the nearby buildings to the woods the skirted around the geisha house courtyard. His expression was calm and stoic but his eyes were painfully focused as he took note of every change in the air as he observed their surroundings.

"Go back inside, Chizuru-chan...it isn't safe here." His hand fell soundlessly to the hilt of his katana.

"B-but Saito-s-"

Suddenly, there was a deffening splintering of wood as an unknown assailant cloaked in black came crashing through from the floor above them.

Saito had barely enough time to forcefully push Chizuru out of the way before the enemy was upon him, his japanese sword falling upon Saito's katana with deadly force.

He noticed a flash of red from his opponent's eyes and immediately, he knew.

_Rasetsu._

And from the looks of it, it was definitely not one of Sannan-san's.

This one seemed beyond mad with bloodlust and from what Saito could guage from his brute strength, he had been rampant in bloodlust for quite some time.

The crazed creature let out a maddening screetch as he made several efforts to lunge at Saito's neck. His fangs were bared and it was plain his soul motive was to obtain blood and he would not stop until he had either succeeded or been slain.

"Saito-san!" Chizuru screamed and suddenly, the shoji doors flew open and the rest of the Shinsengumi members appeared, weapons drawn ready to aid their comrade. "Chizuru! what has happened?!" Hijikata shouted above the chaos and then he spotted Saito in a heated battle with the Rasetsu. He clenched his teeth angrily and then grabbed Chizuru by the arm, forcing her behind him. "Get back inside, Chizuru-san-now!"

"But-!"

"Chizuru listen to him, get-back!" Okita shouted as he shoved her further back into the room and slammed the door behind him.

The rest of them gauged the present situation and soon realized that it was too late for them to offer any immediate assistance; they knew if they were to attempt to get involved now, it could compromise the fight and Saito could be injured. So as much as they all loathed their present perdicament, they stood by and waited in case Saito needed back up.

Suddenly, another loud screetch pierced the night air but this time, it came from further above them. Okita turned and looked out towards the building nearest them and in a split-second, another Rasetsu flung himself through the air, smashing through the engawa railing, and crashed right into Okita, sending the both of them flying through the wall into the next room.

"Okita!" Hijikata and Shinpachi brandished their swords and hurried to aid their comrade who was presently struggling on the floor with his deadly opponent.

This left Heisuke and Sannan-san standing guard over Chizuru who was frozen in terror as she helplessly watched Saito's struggle with the vicious Rasetsu. It was difficult to tell just who had the upper hand; as far as brute force and strength were concerned, they appeared to be evenly matched. Chizuru trembled, her hands clutching the collar of her kimono anxiously as she trepediciously edged forward to catch a better glimpse of Saito-san.

Heisuke caught sight of her as she stood by his side, her eyes fixed unwaverinly on Saito as he fought viciously. "C-chizuru you shouldn't be this close-!" He made to push her back inside but she clung to his wrist, imploring him.

"Please Heisuke-kun! I can't just stay inside-!"

He hesitated but knowing her stubborness just gave up. "Alright but at least stay behind me."

She nodded and wrapped her slender fingers around the cuff of Heisuke's sleeve, the two of them returning their attention to the fight which was escalating in ferocity.

Saito fought passionately against his foe; dodging each would-be death blow as he expertly wielded his katana to counter each attack.

"I will-not allow you-to prevail, you vile creature; back to hell with you-!" Saito gritted out as their swords locked, steel straining against steel as sparks flew from the sheer force and friction.

Suddenly, Chizuru's attention was momentarily drawn away as she caught sight of another Rasetsu from her peripheral vision. The feral creature was headed straight for Saito, coming at him from behind.

Chizuru's blood chilled as she suddenly realized Saito wouldn't be able to perceive this surprise attack in time. Time stopped and everything flashed before her eyes in slow motion; His unseen opponent drew nearer, drawing a hidden kodachi from his side and raising it above his head, prepared to strike. Saito was locked in a vicious test of strength with the other Rasetsu; he was completely unaware of the unseen assasin who was seconds away from cutting him down. In a moment, the breath in Chizuru's lungs froze and a terrified scream clawed it's way up her throat.

"HAJIMEEE!"

Heisuke made a desperate attempt to stop her, but he was too late.

In the blink of an eye, Chizuru had flung herself at Saito, putting herself between him and his would-be murderer, just as the Rasetsu brought down his blade with a terrible, blood-curdling scream.

Everything blurred.

Time stood still.

And then there was a spray of crimson and a heart-rending pain-filled scream as the kodachi connected with Chizuru's shoulder, slicing into the tender flesh and muscle.

In that same moment, Saito had stricken down his opponent and when he whirled around to meet the second foe, his eyes were met with the horror-filled blood-chilling sight.

Chizuru, slumped to the floor on one knee-a stream of blood trailing down her arm from the gaping wound at her shoulder and swiftly pooled around the hem of her kimono, staining it a dark crimson.

"CHIZURU-CHAN!" Saito's maddening, terror-filled cry reached the ears of his comrades who were all but paralyized at the terrible sight.

Heisuke was pale even as Hijikata laid a steading hand on the young man's shoulder. "I-I t-tried to s-s-stop her-Commander, I-I just I-"

"That's enough, Heisuke." Hijikata spoke firmly but gently. " we all know Chizuru's willful spirit-there wasn't anything you could have done-in the moment she decided to aid Saito, it-it was already too late."

The men stood there speechless and more terrified than any of them had ever been in their lives for the sight of their little Chizuru sitting in a pool of her own blood was far too much for any of their hearts to bear.

Chizuru's breathing was shallow, ragged and heavy perspiration stood out on her brow as she drew her other hand up and grasped the hilt of the kodachi that still protruded crudely from her shoulder. She was in grave pain but her eyes were focused and harsh with an angry determination that none of the member of the Shinsengumi had ever witnessed before.

Saito was kneeling at her side-his katana swiftly forgotten as it clattered to the floor the moment he saw her-and his strong arm came around her waist in an effort to take on her full weight, affording her what relief he could.

But to everyone's surprise, Chizuru pushed him away with every ounce of strength she had and her eyes were trained on the Rasetsu who still stood only a few feet away, foaming at the mouth, it's eyes wild and hungry for blood.

Saito was confused, furious and more terrified than he'd ever been as he beheld Chizuru bearing the kodachi blade that had been meant for his life. "Chizuru what were you-!"

She pressed a hand to his chest which silenced him.

"May I-use your-s-shoulder, S-saito-san...I n-need to-s-stand."

He only looked at her but didn't refuse as he took her one good hand and moved it to the top of his shoulder.

She pressed against him hard as she struggled to stand. Then wordlessly, she turned to the seething Rasetsu.

"W-what is she-doing?!" Okita uttered breathlessly but none of his comrades could answer him; they too looked on in awe and amazement as chizuru finally stood to her feet and faced the enemy.

"I know your kind-vermon! you would fall upon the Shinsengumi-with your-darkness and destruction-You-would dare-show yourselves-and assasinate our sub-cammander, Hajime-Saito _just to satisfy your uncontrollable lust for blood!?_" And with an almost-feral cry, she pulled the kodachi from her body and leveled it at the Rasetsu.

The men let out gasps of awe and horror.

They had never known the strength of spirit that resided in Chizuru's heart. She was truly a force to be reckoned with and inspite of the overwhelming horror, there was also warmth felt in each of their hearts as she bravely and valiantly stood to against her foe in defense of them all.

"_You dare presume to slay him with the tainted blade of your filthy sword as we all stand by and watch?!" _She screamed angrily at him, arousing his animalistic instincts even further. But Chizuru did not waver; though blood poured from her shoulder and excrutiating pain licked every nerve in her flesh, she stood her ground and held tightly to the kodachi as if it was her lifeline. _"I will not let you harm even a single hair on Hajime's head, you black-hearted beast!-you'll have to come through me first; spill even a drop of his blood with your hands and I swear on my life-you will find them on the ground next to your head-!" _Her voice turned deadly and it's icy timber caused every man's blood to run cold.

Each samurai exchanged silent looks with one another yet all shared the same conviction; Chizuru Yukimura was indeed the fiercest warrior of the Shinsengumi.

In a frightening split-second, the Rasetsu let out a feral, rage-filled cry and lunged for Chizuru.

The men shouted her name desperately, rushing forward.

Saito scrambled madly to his feet, his eyes wide in terror, awe and admiration as Chizuru's war cry blended and overpowered that of the crazed Rasetsu as she lunged forward with the Kodachi raised high to the level of her eyes.

"-back to the hell-from whence you came-_and may you burn!_" She shrieked as the sound of steel ripping into flesh echoed through the night air.

Then all fell silent.

The members of the Shinsengumi skidded to a halt, their weapons falling limp at their sides as the overwhelming climax of this battle came to it's unfathomable conclusion.

There was Chizuru, straddling the corpse of the fallen Rasetsu, the kodachi grasped tightly in her hands and burried up to it's hilt in the heart of the Rasetsu.

She was heaving and gasping for breath, but she couldn't let go of the kodachi; the adrenaline pumped furiously through her veins and her knuckles were white as she continued to grip the sword's hilt, her hands beginning to shake.

The men were breathless. Never before had they beheld such an awesome sight; Chizuru had conducted herself with every shred of passion and strength that befitted a true Samurai and the men of the Shinsengumi were honored and in awe of her.

It was then that Saito came to her side and slowly, carefully wrapped his hand around hers that still held fast to the kodachi.

She inhaled sharply and turned wide quivering eyes to his earnest sapphire gaze and for the first time since the moment she came between Saito and the sword, her fingers loosened around the sword.

"Chizuru-chan-it is over." He breathed close to her cheek, his breath ghosting against her skin, causing her pale cheeks to flush.

His hand wrapped around hers more firmly but it was in the most gentle and reassuring manner and when her eyes connected with his, his fingers caressed hers as he withdrew her hand from the hilt of the kodachi. "You don't have to fight anymore-you fought bravely-with the strength of ten Samurai; you did well-but it is over. You don't have to fight anymore-Chizuru."

He spoke her name for the first time, selfishly allowing himself this one glorious confort as her eyes suddenly came into focus on his.

She took a deep shuddering breath in and then let it out. "S-saito-san-?"

Then the last remnants of adrenaline ebbed away, leaving unimaginable pain to envelop her once again. Her eyes widened as a sharp, knife-like sensation shot through her shoulder, taking her breath away.

"Oh!" She gasped and she fell back against Saito as white lights began dancing around the edges of her blurring vision.

"Chizuru-chan!" He exclaimed huskily, his voice becoming desperate as she fell against him, grimacing and whimpering in pain.

"Chizuru!" the rest of the rest of the men clustered anxiously around them, worried expressions mixed with looks of anger and helplessness etching their faces. "What do we do, Hijikata-san?!" Souji looked to Hijikata frantically.

"She's lost a lot of blood." Harada's brows furrowed in deep worry

"She looks...so pale." Heisuke truly looked frightened.

"Immediate medical attention is crucial at this point." Sannan-san sounded the most level-headed but even his eyes were darkened with concern.

"She isn't looking so good, guys." Shinpachi hated admitting the obvious but he knew someone had to say it; they couldn't blind themselves to the seriousness of the situation no matter how much they wanted to.

At this, Saito's eyes flickered sharply to Shinpachi and the younger man knew only too well the thoughts of his sub-commander. "She will not slip away so easily. Chizuru-chan is a fighter. She's strong." His eyes fell to her face just then, craddled against his chest and then his eyes hardened with determination as he met the uncertain faces of his comrades. "We will _not _let it come to that-no matter what it takes."

Hijikata sensed more desperation behind Saito's words but he left it alone and focused on what was most important. "We need to get her back to headquarters...now. Heisuke, send for the doctor. Whatever you do, keep this quiet and discreet; it could mean serious trouble if anyone caught wind of this and I want to keep Lady Akagenu out of this...for her own safety."

The group nodded in agreement and at Hijikata's direction, Heisuke left to pay the bill to Lady Akagenu and offer their excuses. Once he returned, affirming that everything was taken care of, they left as discreetly as possible, taking a concealed route that skirted the less-populated areas of Shimabara and led them home.

Saito carried Chizuru in his arms, bridal style, holding her close to his chest with her head tucked securely under his chin. She was still conscious but he knew she was fading fast; her breathing grew more shallow by the minute and by now the entire right side of her upper torso from her shoulder to her waist, was soaked with blood and her wound was still seeping through the crude bandage.

Just then, she moaned as they entered the wooded path leading around the outskirts of the district.

She struggled to tilt her head up just enough to look at Saito.

When she saw his ocean blue orbs focused straight ahead and the tightening along his jawline, she managed to barely graze her fingertips along the skin of his exposed collar bone.

Saito let out a short startled breath and looked down. "Chizuru-chan-don't move."

"S-saito-uhn." She moaned painfully, her face grimacing as she closed her eyes for a few seconds.

"Do not speak."

"S-saito I-I'm sorry but-I do n-not-r-regret my decis-"

He held her closer to him, bringing his lips right by her ear as he whispered comfortingly to her. "Hush, Chizuru-there is no need to-"

She shook her head weakly bringing her tiny frail hand to cup his cheek.

Saito gasped at the sudden contact and his heart began to race as her saddened doe-like eyes met his.

"I'm s-so happy that you-are safe-I w-wanted to protect-you-I-I'm so h-happy I c-could-"

Then her hand slipped from his face and her head lulled against his chest as she lost consciousness.

"Chizuru-chan. Chizuru-chan!" He lightly shook her but her eyes didn't flutter open and he knew if they didn't get her help soon-

His hands began to shake uncontrollably as he frantically searched her face; her complexion was so pallored and her lips grew paler by the minute.

Shinpachi took a tentative look over his shoulder to find Saito pressing Chizuru to him desperately and whispering to her. The sight left him angry at the feeling of helplessness welling up inside him as Saito drew Chizuru further into his embrace and pressed her head to his chest. Shinpachi sighed heavily, facing forward again. He knew they had to help Chizuru whatever the cost because if anything happened to her, it surely break Saito's very soul.

Forgetting himself for a few fleeting moments, Saito rested his forehead against Chizuru's and let the fear and anguish burried in his heart, seep into his voice. "Please, Chizuru-open your eyes-don't leave me-"

And he pressed trembling lips to her forehead as one lone tear escaped down his cheek.

# # # #

Three days had passed and despite the face that Chizuru was Oni and possessed accelerated healing abilities, her wound had been mortal and therefore, she would suffer through a prolonged and more painful healing process.

Almost all of the men came to visit her regularly and even ocassionally brought their meals into her room so they could eat with her.

However, Saito hadn't come to see her once since he'd laid her in her futon three days ago. At first she reasoned he was preoccupied with meetings with Hijikata-san and the Captain which took up most of his time but as the days slowly and painfully ticked by, she grew more and more doubtful of his reasons for keeping away. She tried to keep her spirits up however, not wanting to worry the others and resolved to put the matter out of her mind.

However, when the fourth day came and went with no sign of Violet hair or Crystaline eyes making their appearance, Chizuru couldn't hold up hope any longer and she soon slipped into despondency.

That evening, Shinpachi had been the one to bring her her evening tea but she had been so withdrawn and depressed she almost didn't take notice of him as he set her tea beside her and beckoned for her to drink.

Then she glanced indifferently at the proffered beverage and noticed the deep ebony liquid steaming from the cup.

_Black tea..._

Her eyes suddenly flashed with recognition, widening in anticipation as she turned a hopeful glance to Shinpachi who was just crossing the threshold on his way out.

"Shinpachi-san?!"

"Yes Chizuru?"

She bit her lip, glancing at the teacup in her hand and then back up. "This is black tea-is S-is _he _here?"

Somehow she knew Shinpachi would understand without her even having to ask; they had shared a special bond since the day she came to the Shinsengumi and just as she anticipated, his blue eyes softened and a warm smile touched his lips.

"Really Chizuru, I don't know what you're talkin' about; are you feeling alright? maybe you should go out to the Sakura garden and get some fresh air." His eyes glinted mischeviously as he winked at her and left.

She bit her lip again but this time there was an excited smile sparkling in her eyes as a shade of red tinted her cheeks.

It had taken her some time to get to her feet and making her way down the hallway to the west side of the house was even more difficult than she'd expected. She had to move slowly and meticulously so as not to reopen her wounds but once the shoji leading out to the garden was in view, she brightened in triumph as she grasped the light frame and slid it open.

She was greeted with a full moon bathing her in it's ethereal rays and the poignant intoxicating scent of Sakura blossoms.

The evening breeze felt warm and inviting as it caressed her face, causing her chestnut hair to billow around her face and shoulders.

Just then, her eyes fell upon a lone figure standing beneath the largest Sakura tree and she could instantly tell from the slender, imposing sillouhette that it was Saito. His back was to her, but the long white sash wrapped around his neck and shoulders was a dead giveaway. She smiled but felt a sudden shyness and a rosy hue tinted her cheeks. She didn't know when it had started but for time now, something had been forming in her heart towards Hajime Saito and it had only grown stronger as the days passed. She was uncertain of how to define it at first; all she knew was that whenever he was near her, her heart would start to race and an intense heat would bubble in the pit of her stomach, spreading all the way through her being and eventually manifesting in a subtle blush at her cheeks.

She was confused and a little disgruntled at this unknown emotion that seemed to materialize out of nowhere but as time went on, she came to realize that it was more than just a passing feeling.

Somehow Saito had deeply and unwittingly touched her heart and it wasn't long before she realized she was falling helplessly in love with him.

She took a shuddering breath as these thoughts crossed her mind but she was determined not to let them distract her from the moment. She needed to see Saito-but most of all, she needed to talk to him and find out why he had been avoiding her for all those days since the incident; something was obvsiouly wrong.

She took a deep breath and was about to address him; but something occured to her and biting her lip nervously, she plucked up all the courage she possessed and opened her mouth.

"Hajime-san."

Saito's eyes widened at the sound of her voice behind him.

He whirled around, his katana drawn out of force of habit and his startled sapphire eyes clashed with hers.

It took him several moments before he was able to collect himself enough for his mind to register what she had said.

_"Hajime-san."_

It was the second time she'd said his name since that night she'd put herself between him and the Rasetsu, saving his life.

His heart leapt painfully yet gloriously in his chest as he focused his eyes on her.

He took a slow deep breath in a desperate attempt to steady his nerves which had been standing on edge for the last four days.

He'd worried himself almost mad, wondering when she would recover and at times, _if _she ever would...

He berated himself for allowing such helplessness and despair overcome him but he couldn't help it. The fearful unsettling feeling had taken route in his heart and it only grew steadily stronger with each passing moment that Chizuru's life hung in the balance.

She had made it through however and seeing her standing before him now was proof of that fact.

Still, he couldn't help the conflicted feelings that plauged his mind and heart as he observed her before him.

One thing was certain, he was furious with her; she had needlessly risked her life for him, recklessly placing herself between him and a deadly foe that he could have easily taken down on his own.

What had she been thinking?!

Was she trying to prove something?

Had pride and arrogance clouded her judgement in a moment of weakness?

No.

As much as he almost wished it was that simple, he knew her better than that; Chizuru would have never risked her life for just anyone and she never did things rashly unless she had a very strong personal conviction concerning the matter.

"You haven't-I haven't seen you in four days-I was worried."

Her quiet voice reached him, bringing him out of his conflicting thoughts.

"You worry needlessly, Chizuru-san."

His reverted use to the formal honorific did not go unnoticed and it left her a little hurt as well as confused.

"I thought perhaps you were busy in meetings with Hijikata-san and the captain-"

"The captain left three days ago-he had a meeting with the Bakufu at Edo headquarters."

His response was clipped and precise, leaving her feeling a little aprehensive; perhaps seeking him out had been a mistake-? But then the black tea-she knew it had to have been him. It had to be his way of reaching out to her so she shook off the feeling of uncertainty and pressed forward. "I see-then you've been here this entire time-"

She trailed off, anticipating his response.

He only nodded mutely.

She sighed heavily; this back-and-forth of pointless questions and clipped empty responses was wearing on her last nerve. She was already tired physically and his overt, blatant efforts to avoid and push her away without any explaination was severely testing her emotional limits.

Suddenly, she felt resentment coil in the center of her chest and it only served to embolden her. "Ok. You are clearly avoiding me and doing very little to conceal it and I want to know why. Right now."

His eyes darted to hers, surprised by her brazen demand. Chizuru had never _demmanded _anything-this was completely new territory for him and even though her slightly uncouth behavior ruffled his feathers a little, he also couldn't help but be intrigued.

"I don't understand what has you thinking that I am avoiding you but I assure you it's not-"

"Seriously, you're going to pull the confused and innocent guise on me? Don't insult me, Saito-san I am not that stupid so just-cut the bullshit already."

He gasped and his sapphire eyes dilated considerably.

Chizuru _never _cursed and certainly not so vehemently. His brows furrowed in a displeasing scowl.

She had clearly been spending way too much time in Shinpachi and Harada's company; they were having a terrible influence on her.

"Mind your words, Chizuru-san-and your tone." He warned, his eyes slanting at her warily.

But didn't care and she wasn't about to be dissuaded. "No, you know what? This is ridiculous; you're avoiding me _again! _-I asked you a question, Saito-san and I believe it is a perfectly fair one so please, do me the courtesy and answer me. Why. Are. You. Avoiding. Me?" She pronounced each word in a staccato tone, her eyes staring seriously into his.

He cringed inwardly.

This wasn't going to be easy and he had no way of answering her that didn't either incriminate him or make him look like a complete ass.

_Damn this woman, she traps me every time..._

There was really nothing to do but hope she wouldn't press him too far when he offered the half-truth. "Very well if that is what you want; yes, I have been avoiding you. But you should already know the reason."

"Do you honestly expect me to? Am I to what, read your mind?!" she exclaimed disbelievingly.

And for some reason, that made Saito snap and he turned on her. _"Yes! I actually do expect that because you should understand perfectly well that I am-FURIOUS WITH YOU!" _ It wasn't necessarily yelling by popular standard but for a man like Hajime Saito who was always serious, composed and controlled, it definitely constituted shouting.

Chizuru was taken aback at his sudden outburst but had no time to respond as he took a step towards her, his expression slowly descending into anger and frustration.

_"I was in the middle of a very dangerous fight but one that I had-completely under control when you-recklessly threw yourself in the middle of it; please do me the courtesy and explain to me-what. In the hell. You were thinking?!" _

In turn, Saito rarely cursed because his temper almost never got the better of him. But in this case he couldn't give a damn.

He was fed up.

Furious.

And scared to death. Chizuru put herself in mortal danger for _his _sake and she could have died.

Right before his eyes and he would have been powerless.

"You were already locked in the fight with that Rasetsu, Saito-san, the other one came out of nowhere! You couldn't possibly have caught his kodachi in time!"

_"So you took it upon yourself to come to my rescue?! No, you decided to be completely reckless and foolish! I have never thought that you could do something so-mindless and stupid! You could have gotten yourself Killed, Chizuru-chan!"_

_ "But I didn't! I saved you and that's all that-"_

_"NO! You nearly lost your life because of me and that is the worst possible thing you could have done, you could have bled out-right before my eyes and there was nothing I would've been able-"_

Suddenly Saito stopped short. He had said far too much-he was treading on dangerous gound yet he was so consumed with fear and anger towards Chizuru, he couldn't quite bring himself to fully regret his loss of temper.

Chizuru stared wide-eyed at him; she couldn't believe how infuriated he was, his temper flared hotly and even though he'd stopped himself, she could tell he hadn't really regretted his heated words. What was even more astonishing however is that his anger seemed much more directed at the fact that _he _was the one she had been protecting.

She felt so confused. Why was it that her preservation of _his _life in particular caused such resentment on his part?

"Saito-san I don't understand; it seems you're much more angry with the fact that it was _you _I risked my life for, not the fact that I simply risked my life."

She watched him carefully and the way his eyes hardened in response was answer enough for her.

She took a step towards him. "I don't know if you can view your life as holding such little worth but for me, that's something I will _never _be able to do. You-all of you-are my friends and just because I may know you the least out of everyone, that doesn't mean that your life is-any less precious to me."

His lips parted and his eyes widened in surprise. Why was she being so gentle with him? Why was she treating him as if he was the most precious person in the world to her? It certainly proved to make his internal struggle ten times more difficult. he watched as she took another step towards him and suddenly, her eyes softened in a way he had never seen before and she gave him this look that nearly had him gasping for air.

_I-I can't move. _

_M-my body-is frozen!_

He was panicking.

Yet he couldn't do anything.

He could scarcely breathe let alone command his limbs to obey him; he knew the prudent thing was to move away from her and get as much distance between them as possible-but for some reason, he was completely frozen on the spot; unable to lift even a finger as she closed the final distance and stood right in front of him now.

Chizuru sensed a heavy nervous anxiety rolling off of Saito in waves-she couldn't quite place it but something inside her responded and she knew it was because of her.

_He always seems so-sure of himself; so perfectly composed and serious all the time yet-now, he's positively shaking! His eyes-their wide and bright almost like he's terrified of something-of me?_

She couldn't have been closer to the truth.

Hajime Saito was indeed _terrified_.

Of her and of himself.

Because his heart wouldn't be able to hold out much longer; she was chipping away pieces of it at every moment they were together and with each passing day, the pieces grew larger-and larger.

_No. I cannot let this happen! _His head was screaming at him and finally, he broke free from the intoxicating haze of her nearness and was able to take one firm step away from her.

Chizuru noticed the change in his demeanor. For some reason, it hurt when he took such a diliberate step back from her and she saw in his eyes as he steeled himself against her, setting his jaw firm.

"You risking your life. For any of us, is unacceptable. And I will not have it happening again."

"But I-"

"There is nothing more to discuss on the matter, Chizuru-_san. _You _will not _put yourself at unnecessary risk for _any _of the Shinsengumi." He made to walk past her but she boldly grasped the cuff of his kimono and took a step towards him.

In a bright flash, Hajime spun around and drew his katana.

The edge of the blade was at Chizuru's throat and her eyes widened when she felt the icy cold steel barely brush against her skin.

It was like deja vu; that day she had begged Saito to allow her on patrol and he had challanged her to a fight.

_"Prove to me you have the skills to defend yourself." _

He had said; this moment was nearly an identical reflection and the sudden hot ache in her stomach blindsided her as warmth dusted her cheeks in a pretty shade of red.

Hajime exhaled sharply when his eyes caught the blush rising to her cheeks and how her eyes dialated as if in recognition of something.

The thought of how beautiful she looked with rosy cheeks and wide eyes was across his mind before he had the chance to dismiss it. But he remained unphased-at least outwardly-and pressed his lips in a firm straight line as he spoke. "This is an order from your superior; ignore it, and I will cut you down myself-here and now."

The two were paralyzed in the pulse-quickening moment for what seemed like ages; the handsome Samurai refusing to relinquish his katana until his order was obeyed and the brunette woman frozen in the enchantment of his blazing sapphire eyes, too stunned for any response.

The glint of Hajime's katana quivered when it's owner slightly tilted the blade indicating he wanted an immediate answer.

What came next however, shocked Hajime Saito to the core and left him reeling.

Chizuru's hand took hold of the blade and thrust it downwards and away, causing it to unceremoniously fall out of Saito's hand and clatter to the ground. Almost simultaneously she closed the distance between them and threw her arms around him in a tight embrace.

Her arms encircled him, coming beneath his own as her hands came up to rest against his back. Her fingers curled slightly inwards as she held him firmly to her and rested her head against his shoulder.

The Samurai stood frozen encased in the beautiful woman's arms and he felt her hands clinging to his back as she held him closer.

_His back-so much strength that I can almost feel every curve of muscle when he moves. _

_ I never knew how safe and warm he could feel-but I am certain that even if the world were to come to an end in this very moment-I wouldn't feel afraid as long as he was here just like this-_

Suddenly, her train of thought derailed when she felt the quick movement of Saito's arms as they came around and embraced her in return.

She hadn't expected him to return the embrace and he caught her even more by surprise when his arms flung around her almost desperately as he crushed her against him.

She couldn't move an inch.

His arms had completely encircled her waist and middle back and fastened her against him in a vice-like grip that was nearly painful.

But Chizuru could make no protests against it even if she wanted to; her heart soared and an intense delicious heat spread throughout her body as she settled herself against him, her arms never loosening from around him even in the slightest degree.

For Hajime Saito, he knew that he had just crossed a line. A very strict line that he had drawn distinctly between himself and Chizuru that he had vowed never to cross.

But the instant she had touched him, all his resolved had crumbled in a split second and all he could think to himself as he held her close was _resolve and principles be damned._

He was going to be selfish; against his better judgement, he would abandon all previous uncertainties and solemn principle, in favor of one blissful moment to hold her in his arms-almost feeling and believing that she was _his. _

"...Chizuru..."

For the first time, he allowed himself to utter just her name and it sent a thousand shivers of overwhelming delight, down his spine.

Chizuru heard him breathe her name-for the first time and she felt she could nearly die of pure happiness-though she wasn't entirely certain why.

Something had changed between her and Saito but she couldn't define it; it seemed so clear yet completely elusive at the same time. However, she resolved to not let it consume her as she relished in the warmth of his arms.

This feeling grew in the depths of her heart and it was stronger and more passionate than anything she had felt in her entire life. Though she knew neither of them could put a name to it, it was there and it ran just as deeply within Saito as it did within her, she was certain.

She vowed to revel in this moment for as long as it lasted, leaving all the uncertainties and unanswered questions for tomorrow.

"You _cannot _risk your life-Chizuru-chan-you-I can't have you risking your life for me-_please-_"

His voice was just above a whisper but it was pained and he pleaded with her as his arms instinctively tightened their hold around her.

"_please, Chizuru-_I cannot allow you-to die for me."

Hajime was so desperate and adament in his effort to keep her from ever risking her life for him again, that it nearly bought Chizuru to tears.

She couldn't understand what it was that had wounded him so deeply but the fearful timber in his voice that was so foreign to her and the way his arms tightened around her as he begged for her promise to never put herself at risk again, broke her heart.

But no matter how much a part of her wished she could, deep down she knew she could never make that promise. She would only be giving him false hope because she knew the moment his life was in peril again, she would eagerily break that promise without a second thought.

A few regretful tears slipped from beneath her eyelashes and trailed down her pale cheeks but she smiled through them as she tightened her arms around him like she would never let go. She knew her words would pain him but above all else, he deserved the truth more than anything else.

"I will _always _protect you-_Hajime-san._"

He knew what her answer would be but still he'd held onto a sliver of hope that she would make him that promise-knowing all along such a hope was fruitless.

He closed his eyes letting the pain and disappointment wash over him yet a small part of him smiled in pride at the unwavering strength of this woman's spirit.

He knew what was between them was strong and ran deep yet he also knew that it was perilous and forbidden in so many respects.

But inspite of himself, he resolved to leave all his doubts and fears for tomorrow; this moment between him and Chizuru was theirs alone and as he burried his face in her hair, he lost himself to her and the rest of the world melted away.


	4. Saito's Vow

The days that followed settled back into the regular routine;

The captains and their squad members continued on with their rigorous training in preparation for the coming conflict with the Choshu.

It was inevitable at this point-particularly in Hijikata-san and Kondo-san's opinion and the last thing they wanted was for their men to confront the Choshu being any less than at their best.

This would possibly be the most critical battle of the revolution so far-the shinsengumi were determined to come out ontop; the Shogun depended on their ability to pull off a complete victory and they vowed to give nothing less.

As for Chizuru, her wounds had finally healed and therefore, her days returned to their normal routine. However, this wasn't altogether welcoming-particularly concerning a certain violet-haired, blue-eyed samurai.

Ever since that night between them, things seemed to only be going backwards; reverting back to the way they had always been before. Saito returned to his normal stoic persona and treated Chizuru with the same casual indifference he had shown her previously.

It was almost as if nothing had ever happened!

This troubled Chizuru; had she been mistaken in Saito's regard for her?

Had it all been a complete misunderstanding?

Perhaps he had never held any inclination for her beyond that of a superior towards his subbordinates; afterall, she had become a member of the Shinsengumi and was expected to teat the captains with the same respect and honor that befitted a Shinsengumi soldier.

_Maybe I misread his intentions? I mean he was certainly concerned about my wellbeing but...then again so is everyone else! It's not like we've ever had a special bond to begin with...not like the ones I have with Shinpachi-san, Harada-san and Heisuke-kun. _

She frowned sadly to herself, coming to the inevitable realization that whatever sentiments or feelings she'd thought Hajime Saito had towards her, were nothing more than a result of her own foolish misinterpretations. Hajime Saito held the same regard for her as an honorable samurai would hold towards his fellow comrades-nothing more and nothing less.

She sighed despondently-deep disappointment sweeping over her as she realized her own foolish mistake.

_As if Hajime Saito could ever look at me that way-how could I have been so stupid?_

However, these troubling thoughts were not left long to ponder as her daily responsibilites of cleaning, cooking and other housework, seemed to double as mid-June brought upon them the blazing, merciless heat of summer. Soon enough, they were pushed to the back of her mind and forgotten as she focused on the mounting tasks ahead. There seemed to be no end to soiled laundry needing washing or muddy floors needing to be mopped and polished. With the onset of this immense heat, it seemed the men trudged in more sweat and filth with them in one month, than they ever had over the course of an entire year!

But for herself, Chizuru didn't mind. It gave her a purpose and she was always happiest when she was performing acts of service.

On this particular day, she was treading carefully down the hall with a large basket of freshly-washed bed linens piled high above her head, on her way to the clothes line. She rounded a corner and nearly collided with the broad chest of Shinpachi who managed to effortlessly catch the basket of laundry in one hand and reach out to steady her with the other.

"Whoa! Easy there, Chizuru-chan; you know you should really ask for help more often!" He ruffled her hair playfully, flashing her his wide grin as she steadied herself and looked up at him.

"Oh! Shinpachi-san I'm so sorry! I guess I was trying to carry a little too much-"

"Uh really, you think? Tch, com'on I've got this." He carried the basket the rest of the way for her outdoors and once they'd reached the side of the engawa, he set the basket down at the start of the line.

She thanked him and then taking up a sheet she tossed the one end over the line and began to spread it out so it could air out evenly.

Shinpachi settled himself on the end of the porch nearest her, sprawled on his back as he looked up at the clear blue sky, gnawing on a long piece of weat. "It's a scortcher out here today; you probably shouldn't be out in the sun right now Chizuru-chan."

She laughed, tossing a care-free smile over her shoulder at him. "Really, Shinpachi-san you make it sound as if I've never worked a day in my life! I _am _the daughter of Kodou yukimura-his _only _daughter; housework isn't strange to me and definitely not hard work like this; I've weathered many a hot days like this one and it hasn't killed me yet!" She pressed her fingers to her mouth, giggling warmly.

"Okay but seriously; I saw you back there, you were carrying a load that was probably twice your weight! You've gotta take it easy especially when it's hot like this-and ask. for. help." He punctuated each word by jabbing a finger at her pointedly.

The two fell silent after a time and soon, Shinpachi noticed Chizuru's brow furrowed deeply as she got lost in thought.

"What's on your mind, Chizuru-chan?"

She paused, gnawing on her lip nervously. "It's just-it's not that I don't enjoy my work; I truly do! But I just-often times wonder if I'm really making any difference." She clasped her hands in front of her, her eyes saddening as she looked away.

"Chizuru-chan, what on earth?"

"Well it's just that-I'm a woman. But I dress myself as a man, yet there really is no one purpose or place for me in this world! I'm a member of the Shinsengumi and I take care of you all, yes but it's not as if I'm out there changing the world with my sword; you all do so much for this country and for all of us! -Yet all I can do to pay you back is to what, clearn your house, wash your laundry and cook for you?"

She shook her head dejectedly, her hands falling limply to her sides. "I just don't see how that's even remotely sufficient thanks for-everything you've done for me."

Little did Chizuru and Shinpachi realize that there was a lone figure quietly observing them from across the compound.

Hajime Saito had spent many tireless hours in strenuous training that morning. But as soon as the sun had reached it's apex, he'd decided to take a break and wait for the hottest part of the day to pass. He'd only just come from the dojo and was quietly making his way across to the house when he'd heard voices coming from the far side of the engawa. Stopping just in the shadow of the Sakura tree he'd caught sight of Shinpachi and Chizuru deep in conversation.

He kept himself concealed and though they were nearly thirty feet beyond him, he could clearly hear their voices.

"-Yet all I can do to pay you back is what, clean your house, wash your laundry and cook for you?"

He'd overheard most of their conversation and was stunned at how Chizuru was apparently struggling with feelings of undervalue and uselessness.

How could she even think of herself as so little worth? Had she already forgotten how she'd saved his life just a few weeks ago, braving the sword of a Rasetsu without any thought to her own wellbeing? She'd shown more courage than ten samurai and he'd told her so. Did she think he was patronizing her?

Saito never wasted words on needless flattery; whatever came out of his mouth was always of utmost importance and came from the heart.

He couldn't understand why she felt so lost and incomplete.

Just then, His eyes caught Shinpachi reaching up his hand to pet Chizuru's head affectionately.

He knew it was wrong for him to feel this way-Shinpachi's affection towards Chizuru was nothing more than what an older brother would feel towards his little sister and so the gesture was completely innocent.

But all the same he couldn't quell the feeling of sharp jealousy that welled up inside of him and he clenched his fist as his eyes darkened to an icy cobalt.

The fact that Shinpachi was touching her without hesitation and so openly, was enough to make Hajime curse under his breath and his blood boiled with resentment.

Unable to watch the 'intimate' exchange any longer, he tore his eyes away and angrily stalked off towards the Shofuso.

That evening at dinner, Hajime rarely spoke a word as the rest of the captains-along with Chizuru-chatted away excitedly.

At length, he excused himself and went to his room. Kneeling before his desk, he opened a drawer and pulled out a small stack of rice paper leaflets along with his drawing palatte. making his way out of doors, he settled himself on one of the thin cusioned matts on the the engawa and pulled out a sheet of paper.

Taking out a small piece of chiseled coal he laid the sheet on the palatte and began to brushing fluid feather-light strokes across the canvas.

It was known to very few that Saito had an artistic flare; only a few of the captains knew, like Shinpachi and Hijikata but they never once pressed him further on the matter-despite their curiosity as to just what Saito kept in that small leather scroll binder of his, they respected Hajime's right to his privacy-and he was a very private man indeed.

He was thankful for his comrade's respect and often smiled to himself when he thought of just how they might react if they were privy to the subject of his drawings.

His eyes focused on the page before him as he brushed more fluid strokes;

The shape of a pair of eyes came into view-wide, doe-like eyes framed in lucious long lashes.

More fluid strokes.

A pert nose followed by a pair of dainty full lips slightly curved upwards into a sweet smile as the face of a young woman took shape.

Next was the delicate curve of the cheekbones flowing into a jawline and meeting at the apex of a tiny chin.

Then it sloped into a slender neck coming to a stop just below the curve of the shoulders.

Lastly, came the hair; a full set of chestnut bangs dusted across the narrow forehead, lightly covering the finely shaped brows that had an appeasing slightly upwards arc to them.

More delicate strokes followed as he drew the image of the hair pulled back into a high ponytail with a few stray chestnut strands framing her face.

Hajime's eyes squinted in hard focus as he drew each meticulous line with flawless perfection. He'd lost himself in the moment and soon, hours had ticked by before he made the final stroke that completed his sketch.

He held it in front of him, observing it's completion and was pleased at how he'd executed the precise likeness of _her. _

_Chizuru..._

Yes, from the wide doe-like eyes to the pair of full pink lips and the chestnut hair, it was a flawless reflection of her.

Just then, his thoughts were interrupted by the crackling of rice paper as she shoji door slid open.

Noislessly, he rolled up the drawing, sliding it in with the rest of his sketches, and returned the leather-bound scroll inside the sleeve of his kimono.

His sapphire eyes slid discreetly to the side where he spotted none other than Chizuru walking out with the pot of leftover green tea. Crouching down, she poured out the remaining contents underneath the steps then straightened up, massaging her tired, aching shoulders.

Saito didn't speak a word as he silently watched her petite form while she paused momentarily, gazing up at the stars.

Chizuru sighed as she gazed up longingly at the star-studded sky.

For most of the night, her thoughts had been consumed with Hajime Saito and it had taken every last shred of her will not to stare at him during dinner.

After Hajime had excused himself-earlier than usual-she'd only sat mutely through the rest of dinner, too absorbed in her own thoughts to join in on the conversation.

After the dishes had been cleared, she'd taken a welcomed opportunity to get some fresh air as she disposed the last remnants of green tea.

At the thought of the handsome, violet-haired samurai, her heart constricted painfully and she let out a defeated sigh. "Honestly, how stupid can I be; I should just forget that it ever happened-" She spoke quietly to herself as she turned around to head back inside.

"Forget that what ever happened?"

She gasped and her head shot up at the familiar voice.

Hajime was seated off to the side, his upper body and face mostly concealed in the shadows but she caught the trade-mark flash of his expressionless sapphire eyes and her throat tightened as she froze.

"S-Saito-san! I didn't see you-"

He stood to his feet, never taking his eyes off her startled gaze. "Forgive me, I saw you when came out but I chose not to say anything."

"O-Oh. I see."

He eyed her curiously as she averted her eyes to the floor and nervously wrung her hands.

"It is a warm night-and uncommonly peaceful." He observed as he looked out towards where the fireflies flitted amongst the Sakura trees.

Chizuru nodded but didn't say anything; she was too scared and frankly didn't trust her voice to speak steadily so she merely kept her eyes trained to the floor.

"You seemed unusually distracted at dinner this evening; I hope everything is alright, Chizuru-chan." He eyed her earnestly but she still refused to meet his eyes.

This was starting to irritate him...

Chizuru was never this withdrawn and it particularly bothered him that her silence was directed at him.

"Chizuru-chan. Look at me." He commanded firmly.

She gasped, her head snapping up to look at him.

He stared at her for a long moment.

Something was wrong.

There was a look in her eyes-a very despondent and defeated expression that was extremely uncommon for her and he didn't like the depressed aura that eminated from her.

"Something is bothering you, Chizuru-chan; you're not yourself."

Her eyes widened and she looked frightened as she shook her head. "N-nothing's wrong. I'm perfectly fine, I assure you!" She attempted to brighten her countenance but her forced smile never reached her eyes.

"Do not patronize me, Chizuru-chan; I am not one to be taken for a fool. You should know it is pointless to lie to me." He warned.

But she refused to come clean and only shook her head again. "Nothing is wrong with me. I'm fine. Excuse me, Saito-san." She walked past him but his hand shot out and grabbed her wrist, firmly stopping her in her tracks.

He couldn't say exactly why he'd felt the need to stop her from leaving. The fact that she openly lied to him a second time and then tried to walk away disturbed him exceedingly and the sudden urge to keep her from leaving was reflexive.

Instinctually, he grabbed her wrist, haulting her.

She turned surprised chocolate brown eyes on him and he knew she wasn't prepared for him to stop her from leaving.

"Do not lie to me _again_ and then walk away, Chizuru-chan. I won't have it."

She gasped, looking at his hardened indigo stare. "I don't understand what you want from me-Saito-san."

"I want the truth, Chizuru-chan."

"I don't know why when it has nothing to do with you." She uttered in an almost challenging tone.

He narrowed his eyes at the snide undertone in her voice and his grip tightened around her wrist. "If it has nothing to do with me then there should be no need to lie to me-unless it _does _concern me which would then mean you are purposely hiding something from me."

She let out a shaking breath but did not answer.

"You seem to converse very openly with Shinpachi-kun and the others, I do not understand how I should be any different."

Her eyes widened in shock. "W-what? What is that supposed to mean?"

He didn't answer but she caught a distinctive change in his expression and something clicked in her head.

"Are you-are you referring to earlier today; were you listening to my conversation with Shinpachi-san?"

He looked away but she thought she detected slight guilt reflected in his dark eyes.

"I was passing by-I may have caught a few phrases."

"Shinpachi-san has always been-someone easier for me to talk to-I suppose that's because he was the first one to befriend me when I first came here. I guess he, Harada-san and Heisuke-kun could be considered my closest friends-"

He dropped her hand then, suddenly turning his back from her. "I see."

She eyed him curiously; he was acting so strange and why should the fact that she was more open with Shinpachi-san, bother him so much?

She bit her lip then ventured nearer to him. "Is-is there a reason why my openness with them offends you?"

"It does not offend me-it was simply a question borne from unbias curiosity."

"Then-why did you turn your back on me just now?"

He didn't responded, gritting his teeth. She was getting under his skin and he couldn't allow it.

"Forget I ever mentioned it. I won't pry into your personal matters again."

It was his turn to walk past her only this time her tiny fingers wrapped around his and he froze, his eyes widening as he gasped.

He looked down at her and her doe-like eyes were gazing up at his apologetically.

"I am sorry, Saito-san-I know you won't admit it but I know I offended you-or h-hurt you and I never meant to."

He continued to stare at her, becoming lost in the depths of her warm brown eyes.

She hung her head, struggling to find the right words. "I just-I have things that I'm-completely confused about and I-I just don't really know what my purpose is o-or-where my place is in this world. And it troubles me-and keeps me up some nights."

She was opening up to him and this time he knew it was honest.

Seeing her eyes deepen with saddness as she expressed how lost she felt, disturbed him and his chest began to ache at the sight of tears gathering in her eyes.

He reached out and petted her head affectionately, allowing his sapphire eyes to soften as he looked at her. "Your purpose in life is to bring light to the lives of those who are drowning in darkness-and as for your place in this world, you should already know the answer to that question, Chizuru-chan."

His hand slid down and tenderly cupped her cheek, his thumb lightly caressing her skin as he spoke earnestly. "Your place is here. With us. And it always will be. You will never be alone for we are always-by your side."

Her cheeks flushed a bright red as she felt the warmth of his fingertips against her skin.

These were the kinds of moments that left her confused.

His unguarded nearness to her and the uncharacteristic warmth in his eyes as he spoke to her, left her breathless and grasping for answers.

_I don't understand; this warmth is so unlike him-and the way he touches me seems so intimate but it's Saito, he's not intimate and seldom openly warm-what am I missing?_

This feeling bubbling up in her chest, she'd come to recognize but it still caused considerable confusion. She knew Hajime Saito held no particular regard for her so why would his nearness and his touch evoke such strong feelings from her?

It made no sense.

She knew she was falling in love with him but regardless, she had already resigned herself to the fact that these feelings were completely one-sided.

So why would Hajime Saito still affect her like this? Why was it that his behavior towards her left her confused and in constant doubt of the nature of his intentions?

_He doesn't love you-he doesn't even look at you as a man would to a woman so stop fooling yourself and move on!_

Her inner voice chidded her.

_I know!...but...I can't..._

Just then, Saito's voice brought her out of her revery.

"You're crying, Chizuru-chan."

"What-?" She breathed a barely audible whisper; then she felt wetness against her cheeks and reached up tentative fingers to her cheeks.

"Oh I-I didn't even realize." She looked blankly at the drops glistening on her fingertips.

Saito narrowed his eyes, watching her earnestly.

He knew the wheels of her mind were turning and whatever it was that consumed her thoughts was confusing and painful to her.

He hated seeing her in such pain but he resolved not to push for more information; he didn't want to give himself away afterall...

His thumb brushed away the last few stray tears as his expression returned to its previously serene state.

"There is no need for tears; remember what I told you Chizuru-chan; you will never be alone and you will always have all of us."

She nodded and for the first time, her brown eyes brightened a little and she smiled up at him sweetly. "You are quite certain then?"

He furrowed his brows at her. "Certain?"

"Yes, about what you said, I mean. That I will never be alone and that everyone will always be by my side?"

He cocked a brow at her, not understanding where this was going. "I am always certain. Are you doubting my promise?"

"No! Of course not!" She bit her lip, feeling exceedingly bashful as she prepared to ask perhaps the boldest of questions. "So I will always have everyone with me. Does-does that include you, Saito-san?"

His eyes suddenly widened and he was taken aback by her wide, innocent eyes as they gazed up at him, begging for an answer.

He was at a loss. _Why is she asking this? 'Everyone' naturally implies that no one is excluded; I don't understand why she needs a-more specific affirmation. _

He tried again. "W-well I _did _say 'everyone'-the word speaks for itself."

She took a step towards him and there was barely half a foot of space between them now as she rested a tentative hand on his chest.

Saito held his breath.

His heart hammered loudly and he braced himself, trying desperately to remain composed. _Dear God, what is she doing?! She shouldn't be-touching me-like this-it may be innocent to her but-she doesn't know what she's doing to me-damn it! _

He gritted his teeth, agonizingly awaiting her response and trying to ignore the delicious pressure of her small hand pressed against him.

"So you a_re _promising that _you _will always be by my side then, right?"

Her fingers shifted ever so slightly against him as she waited for his answer.

He gulped heavily; the slight shift in her fingers nearly causing him to come undone as he forced out an answer. "Yes, Chizuru-chan."

Her cheeks reddened even more as her lips parted. "Then say it. Promise me-that you will always be there with me-and that you'll never leave me."

Saito was inwardly shaking; his emotions were overpowering him and he feared Chizuru might see through the chinks in his perfectly-constructed armor that she was no unwittingly weakening with each passing second.

_This woman. _

_ This tiny, fragile, delicate, innocent and strong woman-is going to be the end of me. _

But Hajime Saito was powerless to fight it-at least for the moment. She had such a strong power over him without even trying and despite his greatest efforts, he couldn't leave her without giving her the answer-the promise-that she seemed to desire so strongly.

_I don't understand why she is so earnest-but I will not leave her without an answer-to hell, if it kills me. _

And with that, Hajime raised his sapphire gaze to Chizuru and looked her straight in the eye. "I promise to always be at your side, Chizuru-chan and to never leave you."

Suddenly, these words alone weren't adequate enough for Hajime; he had so much more that he wanted to say and this promise alone didn't even come close to equating the depth of feeling he held for her.

Perhaps he was being careless and foolish; this could undo every carefully laid strategy he had constructed to keep Chizuru at arm's length and his feelings for her concealed.

But in that moment, none of it seemed to matter-Chizuru's happiness meant much more to him than anything else-even if he risked her discovering his secret, resulting in inevitable rejection, he would take that chance if it meant she would be happy.

Taking a knee, he bowed before her and with his hand on the hilt of his katana, made a solemn vow.

"And I swear-on my honor that no harm will ever come to you; as long as I live I will _always _protect you with every breath in my body-and I will give my life to keep you safe. This is my vow to you, Chizuru-chan and it can never be broken."

His cheeks burned a furious red as he spoke the words and he only hoped that Chizuru wouldn't notice.

"-Hajime-san." Chizuru was breathless and overwhelmed beyond words. This was more than what she had ever asked of him, nor did she ever expect he would make such a vow to her of all people.

"I-I-I don't even know-what to say."

Hajime smiled at the uncharacteristic use of his name and offered a rare, warm smile up at her from where he knelt before her. "There is no need to say anything-Chizuru-chan. It is a promise that I have made to you-of my own freewill and it is one that I intend to keep."

Her eyes softened, glistening with unshed tears as he stood to his feet, his eyes slightly warming as he looked down at her.

"Arigatou...Hajime-san." She smiled radiantly, her cheeks still flushing a beautiful rosy pink.

Saito's own cheeks dusted a tinge of red as beheld her flushing cheeks and beautiful smile.

"Do itashimashite, Chizuru-chan."

A silence fell between the two until Saito cleared his throat a little awkwardly. "It is extremely late, you should've been asleep by now; off to bed with you, Chizuru-chan and be quick about it before Hijikata-kun sees you and blames _me _for it." He grumbled but Chizuru only giggled as she turned to go inside.

Pausing at the door, she looked at him over her shoulder and offered on last sweet smile.

"Arigatou Saito-san; sleep well."

His pulse quickened at the affectionate look of her eyes and he blushed again.

"Goodnight, Chizuru-chan."

And with that, she disappeared inside, leaving a very flustered Hajime Saito alone on the engawa.

_ She's-far too kind to me. She shouldn't be so concerned with me if she knows what's good for her._

Inspite of knowing this, he still couldn't quell the overwhelming ache for her that thrummed through his body-now, stronger than ever.

He cursed inwardly as he reached his own room, hiding himself behind the thin ricepaper walls.

_This is getting-out of hand..._


	5. Letters

It was approaching mid August and Hajime Saito as well as Okita received orders from Kondo-san to appear in Aizu to meet with the clan and discuss possible diplomatic strategies for the coming confrontation with the Choshu.

Kondo-san wished to explore any and all possible diplomatic avenues to avoid violent conflict-although deep down, he knew it was a fruitless effort-he still couldn't move forward before he had exhausted every possible non-combative option.

His sub-commanders admired him for his values but they knew despite all his best hopes, the good Captain would undoubtedly be disappointed.

However, their respect, love and loyalty to him was unquestionable and so they obediently and readily followed his every instruction without question.

On the day they were to depart, Chizuru learned of Hajime and Souji's mission from overhearing a conversation between Hajime and Hijikata-san. The lieutenant was admonishing Saito to be on his guard at all times on the road and to expect interference alone the way.

_Does-does Hijikata-san mean an ambush?_

_ Could there be-enemies lying in wait for Hajime and souji to ambush them?_

The mere thought terrified and sickened her to the core.

But she knew this mission was an important one and that orders coming down from Captain Kondo-san himself were not to be ignored.

Just then, the door to meeting room slid open and Hajime stepped out into the hall.

Chizuru gasped, realizing she'd been caught evesdropping-but there was nowhere to run, he had already spotted her.

Saito walked calmly out of the room but spotting Chizuru standing in the hallway just outside the door made him stop dead in his tracks.

Her head was down and she was bowing at the waist with her tiny hands fisting the material of her hakama.

"Chizuru-chan. Were you evesdropping?" His face remained expressionless as he regarded her with serious eyes, awaiting her answer.

Chizuru's cheeks flushed bright red with embarrassment and shame. "H-hai."

"I see. You know listening in on counsel meetings uninvited, is a crime against the Shinsengumi, don't you?"

"Comen ne-demo-I didn't mean to-I was just passing by when I heard-"

"Then you know Okita-kun and I are going away."

"Y-yes."

He made more further remarks and simply walked past her without another glance.

"S-Saito-san!"

He halted, turning to look back at her.

"I-I hope you will be safe-please come home safely."

He offered a rare small smile as he turned away and continued walking.

"Believe me, Chizuru-chan-you won't ever be rid of us that easily."

She smiled at his hidden promise to come back and hurried to finish the rest of the housework with a bright gleam of hope in her heart.

_I know you will come back, Hajime-san; you promised to always protect me-so you have to come back if you are going to keep that promise-and I know you will. _

# # # #

After completing the last of the household duties, Chizuru had promptly gone to her room and sat down to write a letter.

For several long moments, the tip of her quil hovered hesitantly over the blank rice paper canvas as she contemplated long and hard about what to write. Then, settling on the most simplistic of words, she began:

_Dearest Saito-san,_

_I know I never asked you for permission to write you but as I thought about it more and more, I didn't want you and Okita-san to be gone away from home for two whole weeks without some link back to us; I wanted you to have tangible evidence that we are all still here, thinking about you and praying for your safe return._

_...though I know already that you don't 'need' such frivilous things as 'empty reassurances' since you already know this without even having to read my letter..._

_Maybe it's selfishness that prompted me to write you instead...maybe it's for myself, if I were completely honest. I don't like the thought of you being gone for so long and not knowing where you are at any given moment or how you are doing...if you are still safe. _

_So forgive me but I cannot help but to give into this one selfish indulgence; I will write to you to know that you are well and safe._

_Take care of each other-as I know you always do, and please come back safe._

_Affectionately, _

_Chizuru~_

She read over the letter twice before assenting that it was to her satisfaction.

Folding it up, she sealed the ivory wax with an imprint of a wild rose and then tucking the letter into the sleeve of her kimono, she hurried out into the hallway in search of the only person she could trust to get this letter discreetly, into Saito's possession.

She'd searched high and low in the shofuso without any luck. Then she'd gone to the dojo and arrived at the same fruitless results.

Lastly, she went to the stables in hopes of finding him and much to her great relief, there he was chatting away with Saito-san who was bridaling his horse.

She halted hesitantly, not knowing how to act next with Hajime-san being present, getting this letter delivered 'discreetly' not to mention 'anonamously' would be more difficult than she'd originally expected.

"Ah! Chizuru-chan! Come to with these to idiots a final farewell?" Shinpachi boomed enthusiastically which consequently alerted Saito to her presence.

"Uh um-actually, I was looking for you, Shinpachi-san."

"Oh?"

He walked over to her and his eyes caught a letter as she timidly withdrew it from inside her sleeve.

Moving closer to him so she could speak discreetly without the others overhearing she hurriedly pushed the letter into his hand.

"Please, slip this into Saito-san's pack when-you get a chance?"

He eyed her curiously but the subtle blush in her cheeks told him all he needed to know and he smiled knowingly, ruffling her hair affectionately.

"You can count on me, Chizuru-chan. Off you go."

She smiled gratefully than turned and scurried off to the house.

A distant thunder rumbled and Shinpachi looked up at the sky as it darkened with gathering clouds.

"Whew! Well this is gonna suck; you're gonna have to travel in this downpour at least until you can find a place to stop for the night, huh?"

Saito watched him closely as he leaned casually against the stall, chewing on a piece of straw.

"Most likely. It wouldn't be prudent to wait til the morning; this meeting is very important and we haven't much time to waste."

"Right, right."

Just as Saito mounted his horse and coaxed him into a walk, Shinpachi strolled over and gave the horse a gentle slap on his hinde quarters-while at the same time inconspicuously slipping slipping Chizuru's letter into Saito's leather pack.

"Well you two better watch yourselves-I honestly don't like the fact that it's just the two of you with only four foot soldiers as your body guards-" He ran a hand through his copper locks. "But it can't be helped I guess, orders are orders."

Just then, the two were interrupted by an overly-enthusiastic Souji who pulled up beside Saito. "Com'on you two, were burnin' daylight and besides I'm anxious to get on the road! Let's go!" He howled enthusiastically which only earned him a rueful shake of the head from Shinpachi and an exasperated sigh from Saito.

"We will most likely reach Aizu by this time in four or five days-depending on if the weather is in our favor."

"Right well you two watch your backs out there, alright? I'm serious don't trust anyone."

Okita sobered up but gave Shinpachi a reassuring smile. "Don't you worry Shinpachi, we'll be there and back before you know it. Take care of Dad and Mom for us, would ya? (Dad and Mom reffers to Kondo-san and Hijikata-san)" He chortled as he and Saito headed out into the rain and soon disappeared out of the gate.

Shinpachi shook his head. "Yeah I sure will. Ah great, I'm stuck here with those two worry worts, they'll be askin' me all kinds of questions and demanding I find out reports about Hajime and Souji's progress...huhhh." He sighed heavily, pressing a hand to his forehead. "I'm already getting a headache just thinking about it." He chuckled inspite of himself and headed indoors to escape the downpoor.

"Well it's gonna be nothing but couped up indoors for the next two days."

# # # #

The evening of the following day, the rain had let up considerably but was still at a constant steady drizzle as Hajime and Okita paid their dues at the small country inn and continued on their way.

Around mid-day, Okita began grumbling of an empty stomach so they stopped to take a short break as well as eat.

"Your continuous whining is becoming insufferable, Okita-kun; I should've had Shinpachi accompany me instead." Saito grumbled moodily.

"Aw com'on Saito! It's rare that you and I get to partner up for a mission like this, lighten up!" He clapped Saito on the back, earning a glare from the violet haired samurai.

He held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, have it your way then, old man."

The two men settled against the tall Sakura tree trunk and ate their meal in silence.

"Oi, Saito-you packed the water; mind getting it for me?"

Saito pushed off his heels and rumaged around in his leather sack for the water cantine.

The tips of his fingers grazed something thin and papery; his brows furrowed as he reached below it and grasped the top of the cantine, pulling it out.

The unknown papery substance came out with it and Saito's eyes widened as he watched the folded up parchment fall to the ground.

He mutely set the cantine down beside him and reached out, picked up the folded paper and turning it over in his hand. The front of it revealed a waxed seal with the imprint of a wild rose pressed firmly into it and a nagging suspicion that he had seen that seal somewhere before, prickled the back of his mind.

"Hey, Saito com'on I'm parched!"

Saito grabbed the cantine and wordlessly tossed it to Okita on his way back to the Sakura tree.

He settled into a crouching possition and just stared blankly at the folded parchment-obviously a letter of some sort-

"So. what'd you find?"

"I am not certain; it appears to be-a letter of some sort; I'd be inclined to think it is some further orders from Hijikata-san but that is highly doubtful."

Okita shrugged taking a swig of water. "Maybe it's Kondo-san then."

Saito held up the front of the letter for Okita to see. "This is not Kondo-san's seal."

Okita's eyes squinted and he leaned forward. "Hey, you're right...and..." He held up the letter to his nose. "Whoa, that ain't his or Hijikata's scent either. It smells like-some kinda flower-Sakura blossoms maybe? and-cinnamon? I don't know."

Saito's eyes widened.

_Sakura blossoms and Cinnamon._

_-Chizuru._

As calmly as he could, he took the letter back from Souji and looked at it more closely.

"Well obviously it's for you, it was in your pack whoever it's from; open it!"

Saito settled back against the Sakura tree and with slightly trembling fingers, he cut open the seal with the tip of his katana and let the paper unravel.

_Dearest Saito-san,_

_I know I never asked you for permission to write you but as I thought about it more and more, I didn't want you and Okita-san to be gone away from home for two whole weeks without some link back to us; _

The handwritting was tiny and had a delicate, feminine curve to the penmenship-it was definitely Chizuru; no one else could have written it.

_Why-why would she have-written to me?_

His eyes narrowed as he concentrated harder on the perfectly written text:

_Maybe it's selfishness that prompted me to write you instead...maybe it's for myself, if I were completely honest. I don't like the thought of you being gone for so long and not knowing where you are at any given moment or how you are doing...if you are still safe. _

_So forgive me but I cannot help but to give into this one selfish indulgence; I will write to you to know that you are well and safe._

His lips parted, a small gasp escaping as he re-read over the words that had his heart racing and a ridiculous sense of hope blooming in his soul;

_...I don't like the thought of you being gone for so long and not knowing where you are at any given moment..._

Could Chizuru be _that _concerned and worried about him?

But she knew his unmatched skills as a swordsman; surely she wasn't doubting his ability to take care of himself and Souji...then why the sudden concern over his wellbeing?

His mind drifted back to the last night he'd spoken with her-the night when she had demanded a promise from him;

_"Then say it. Promise you will never leave me." _

He frowned thoughtfully; what was going through her mind-what was she thinking?

What was she feeling?

He thought he'd caught a sliver of it in her eyes that night but then, it had vanished so quickly, he couldn't be certain it had been real, much less define it.

He came to the end of the letter and his amethyst eyes fixated on one word:

_affectionately, _

_Chizuru._

_...Affectionately.._

Was she implying friendly affection?

Comraderie?

...something more...?

He shut his eyes, gripping the paper harshly in his fist as he worked to calm his flaring nerves.

This was ridiculous; he had hoped this mission would give him the time away he needed to clear his head and redefine the strict boundaries between himself and Chizuru. Yet here she was again, leaving him with a letter with words that once again filled his head with overwhelmingly confusing thoughts of her.

"So. What's in the letter than?"

Okita's casual querry drew him out of his thoughts and he looked mildly at his companion.

"It's nothing of great importance. We should continue on before daylight fades."

He stood to his feet, wordlessly tucking the letter within the sleeve of his kimono as he mounted his horse.

Okita watched his serious companion; he had a faint suspicion as to the author of that letter and it's contents but he didn't have enough to make any difinitive assumptions. Knowing Saito, it was most likely a personal matter and personal boundaries was something you did not cross with Hajime Saito unless you wanted to meet a swift end by the edge of his katana.

Therefore, he shrugged it off and followed suit, mounting his horse and the two samurais resumed their journey.

At length, Okita resumed his typical lively chatter and for Saito, he was strangely grateful for the distraction of his companion's nonsensical conversation.

...Regardless, Chizuru's letter was never far from his mind.

# # # #

It was four days when a messanger from Aizu arrived at the Shinsengumi headquarters with a report concerning the Choshu negotiations.

Hijikata and Kondo ushered him into the counsel room, anxious to hear every detail.

The rest of the captains-Shinpachi, Heisuke and Sannan-san-along with Chizuru waited anxiously just outside the shoji, pressing their ears up to the wall in an attempt to catch anything.

"We really shouldn't be doing this." Chizuru whispered guiltily.

"Shh!" Shinpachi hissed from his place just above her. "It's not like they're having some top-secret meeting; Kondo-san will doubtlessly tell us what it is anyways so it's not like we're listening into something that we won't find out either way!"

"I know but...it just feels wrong; we should just wait until they tell us properly."

"Shut up, Chizuru-chan; sometimes you're morality is a little stifling not too mention naive!" This time it was Heisuke hissing irritatedly at her.

She merely shook her head and went back to her evesdropping; inspite of herself she was desperate for any news of the Shinsengumi captains and how they faired.

In all honesty however, she was more anxious for word concerning Hajime Saito-but she wouldn't willingly admit that to herself and she would die before speaking it aloud.

Just then, discussion in the room beyond ceased and the tiny group outside, scurried away hastily as the three men neared the door.

"I appreciate you delivering the report so speedily, Uijou-san; we are in your debt." Kondo thanked the messanger as they lead him into the dining room where Chizuru was at present, serving tea.

"Stay the night with us; it will give you a chance to rest and eat before your journey."

Uijou bowed respectfully before Kondo. "Arigatou, Kondo-sama; I appreciate the offer. It will be good to rest on a futon for a change; I've been sleeping on the ground since making my journey and while I make no complaints as to my possition in the service of the Shinsengumi and the shogunate, my back would hate me a lot less for it."

The three men laughed good-naturedly as they settled down and Chizuru poured their tea.

"I must say, I am very impressed with your captains; Hajime Saito and Souji Okita are very fine and excellent men; Saito-san in particular is a great orrator; he delivers a very compelling petition to the Choshu officials in favor of a peaceful resolve to this war-I myself was convinced after the first night of hearing him."

Chizuru's hands trembled a little as she poured the guest's cup of tea. She couldn't help but slightly blush with pride at hearing the young man's lavish praise concerning Hajime's skills as an orrator and it made her proud that both he and Okita were well respected and highly honored.

Later that evening, Chizuru was carrying in the last few dishes from the outdoor wash basin when Uijou stopped her, bowing respectfully before her.

"Forgive me, Yukimura-sama but I was instructed to deliver this to you at a moment when you were alone." He withdrew a square-shaped letter sealed with black wax, baring the imprint symbol of "Valor" and handed it to her.

"I-you must be mistaken, Uijou-san; this letter is from one of the captains, it is doubtlessly for Kondo-san or Hijikata-"

He shook his head. "I assure you, Yukimura-sama I was given very specific instructions to deliver that letter to _you_; Captain Saito-san was very clear-"

She gasped, her eyes snapping up to meet Uijou's. "You mean-H-Hajime Saito?"

He nodded. "Yes, Yukimura-sama; he gave me that letter, instructing me to deliver it to you. If you'll excuse me, I must retire; I must be on my way early tomorrow."

He moved passed her, bowing again.

"I'm sorry, Uijou-san! Are-you will be leaving at first light I presume?"

He nodded. "Yes."

"Please-meet me back here tomorrow before then; will you? I-I have something I need you to deliver for me."

He smiled kindly. "Of course, Yukimura-sama."

# # # #

Once in her room, Chizuru sat on her futon and stared blankly at the sealed letter in her lap.

She couldn't believe that Saito-san had written her back.

She hadn't expected a reply; it was merely something she herself had chosen to do and she was determined to write him often until his return, never expecting anything in return.

Yet, here it was-right before her eyes-a letter from _Hajime Saito _to _her. _

_He-he w-wrote me a letter-?_

_I never expected him to-I hope he didn't feel I was pressuring him? Oh gods!_

Her cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

With trembling fingers, she broke the seal and began to read.

_Chizuru-chan,_

_I cannot tell you how many times I set down to write this letter...only to have written a few words before I promptly tore it up to start over..._

_I am still quite surprised on having received a letter from you...I never expected such a gesture but then that doesn't go without saying that the gesture was very kind._

_In all honesty, too kind-I really don't know what I have done that warrants such kindness and thoughtfullness from you-and I am certain I will never know. However let me now give you the proper response to your letter; you wish to know where and how well I fair. _

_I am in Aizu and your letter found me as well as Okita very well. _

_There is no need to worry. _

_Sincerely, _

_Hajime Saito_

A tear rolled down her cheek and dripped onto the paper, lightly smearing the 'S' in 'sincerely' as Chizuru clutched the letter close to her heart, pressing trembling lips to it.

She had never before felt such relief; Saito was safely away in Aizu-and he was well.

Hurrying to her desk, she pulled out a blank leaflet and hurriedly scribbled a reply; it was only about six or so hours until dawn and she wanted to have a letter to send away with Uijou-san.

# # # #

It was the fifth day of negotiations-and unfortunately they had come to a dead standstill; some of the more sagely Choshu officials were not in agreement with Saito's express desire of peaceful reconciliations and it wasn't long before the meeting was divided, leaving no hasty resolve in sight.

Okita offered to take over the evening counsel while Hajime retired to rest.

As the violet-haired Samurai left the room, Uijou met him in the hall, holding out a letter. "Another message for you, Captain; I was instructed to tell you that _she _received your reply and wrote this that same night that she may send it with me to deliver to you."

Hajime took the letter, thanked Uijou and retired to his quarters.

Once there, he stared at the letter for a long moment.

For some reason, he was suddenly fearful of opening it...what words would he find therein?

Before he completely lost his nerve, he took up the letter, cut open the seal and read:

_ Dearest Saito-san,_

_I hope you will forgive me but I was so surprised on receiving your letter that I couldn't help but to write this hasty response. I am so thankful that you as well as Okita-san are safely in Aizu and upon hearing that you are also well, I offered up a prayer of many thanks!_

_Uijou-san stayed the night with us here and upon his arrival, he was very liberal in his praise of yours and Okita's character; he declared he had never met finer men-and upon you in particular he lavished us with praise on your behalf, saying what a compelling orator you are and how many of the men in the Choshu factions have been won over by your passionate words; _

_I must confess, my heart swelled with pride when I heard how he spoke of you._

_I never doubted you would be anything less-and I knew everyone else would see it and believe as I do. _

_Good luck, I know it isn't going to be easy; these diplomatic negotiations seldom are and I can only imagine the stress and pressure you are under so I have taken the liberty of sending this along with the letter in hopes that it will afford you some well-deserved comfort._

A single black tea bag falls out of the folds of the letter, landing in Saito's lap.

_ Be safe and be well._

_Affectionately, _

_Chizuru~_

That night, Hajime brewed himself a cup of tea and sat near the paneless window of his room, re-reading Chizuru's letter over and over-and over until at last in the wee hours of the morning, sleep overcame him and he fell upon his futon with Chizuru's letter pressed against his chest-and the taste of black tea on his tongue.

# # # #

Over the two week course of Hajime and Okita's absence, Hajime and Chizuru continued to exchange letters.

There was no consistent pattern to their correspondence however; sometimes letters came within a three days of each other and other times there would be four or five days in which not a word would be heard.

These days caused both of them much anxiety but once the messanger would return with that precious piece of folded parchment in his hand, fears and doubts were allayed and serenity and joy once again returned.

Hajime wrote:

_The meetings are long-and at times, tedious with nothing more than needless bickering back and forth among the men; Sometimes I have to raise my voice to nearly shouting in order to regain their attention and take control of the situation-I find younger men are much more hot-headed and reckless and it's extremely irritating-don't tell Shinpachi I said that; he'd never let me hear the end of it._

Chizuru giggled to herself as she sat beneath the Sakura tree that late summer afternoon, reading his most resent letter.

_I honestly don't know how Hijikata and Kondo-san tollerate us at times; Especially the youngsters, Heisuke and Souji-I would most likely have torn their heads off by now-I lack the eternal patience of both the commanders-but I admire them at the same time, even if I think their tollerance is only foolish and spoiling Souji and Heisuke even more._

_ We will be leaving in a few days..._

_...By the way, call me Hajime_

But once two weeks, turned into three-and then three and a half, Chizuru began to feel a much sharper anxiety of a different kind than what a delayed letter incured.

She went to Hijikata promptly one afternoon and inquired when Saito-san and Okita-san were expected to return.

"I have received word from Saito-kun that in three days time they will be leaving Aizu; I fear the negotiations-were not as profitable as Kondo-san had hoped." His brow furrowed with deep concern.

Chizuru's eyes darkened in sympathy and she touched Hijikata's arm comfortingly. "Do not worry, Hijikata-san; I'm sure they have done all they can-I'll bring you some tea."

And with that, she was off.

Walking back with the tea tray in her hand, Chizuru had just left the kitchen and was headed to Hijikata's quarters when the sound of a horses hooves sounded mandeningly in the courtyeard. Throwing the front Shoji open, she froze; her eyes widened in horror as the tea tray slipped from her hands and clattered to the floor. There stood Souji's mare, sweating profusely with a very haggared-looking Okita supporting an unconcious and pale Hajime Saito slumped over the horse's neck.

"Ha-Jime!" Chizuru gasped. Trembling hands pressed to her mouth to surpress a scream. And then Hijikata, Shinpachi and Kondo were at her side then out the door in an instant.

"What happened, SOuji!?"

"Aambush, Kondo-san! Damn Choshu rebels were waiting for us on the Jin-kai road; it couldn't have been a coincedence-we-planned to take that route the night before we left-instead of the main road; it was-Saito's idea-he sensed disension among some of the officials-I-" His words were cut off as he lowered Saito's unconscious body down to Kondo's waiting shoulders and then dismounted.

"I warned him-that we should have just-stuck to the original plan-they wouldn't have been very likely to strike-on the main road-but he-" Souji leaned over, supporting his hands on his knees as he gasped for breath. Hijikata caught a crimson stain and a tear to his left sleeve near his shoulder but Souji brushed him off. "It's just a flesh wound-but Saito-he's got the worst-they flanked us, Hijikata-kun-we tried to force an opening by charging them but-couldn't-one of the Choshu rebels threw his spear-and it caught him-right in the side-I told him-damn idiot just wouldn't listen-!" Saito leaned over again but this time he was trying desperately to hold back the angry tears that already pushed at the corners of his eyes.

"That's enough Souji; you couldn't have known and besides, Saito is your superior it was his responsibility to protect you first-he was doing his duty."

"Damn it-I know."

"Chizuru-chan, take Souji to his room; clean and dress his wounds; take care of him and wait there until I call for you both; do NOT leave his side." And then Hijikata was gone.

Chizuru felt sick and she could feel her body giving out, wanting to faint but Souji needed her at this moment so she shoved the terror and shock to the back of her mind and sprung into action.

She took Souji's arm and slung it over her shoulder as she lead him to his room. Once there, she tore open his sleeve all the way up to his shoulder and proceeded to clean and dress his wounds.

Niether one of them spoke a word.

But Souji's green eyes were grim and intense as they watched her intently; she was so silent and her face completely void of emotion as she tended to his needs.

Presently, she returned to the room with a cup of tea and a fresh yukata. She knelt quietly at his side, offered him the tea and then began to unfold the yukata to place it over his shoulders.

Suddenly, a cry of agony tore through the air; doubtlessly Saito had regained consciousness and was now feeling the full extent of his wounds.

Chizuru's hands suddenly shook violently and she lost strength in her legs, collapsing to her knees beside Souji.

"Chizuru-chan!" He reached out a hand to her shoulder, his eyes filling with worry.

"Are you alright?"

The poor girl was trembling from head to toe.

Her honey brown eyes were wide and tears poured down her cheeks as she stifled a sob with a hand over her mouth.

"Chizuru-chan...you're scaring me."

Another agonizing scream pierced the air and Chizuru's body convulsed with another muffled sob.

Souji looked worriedly from her towards the shoji as it slid open and a grim-faced Shinpachi entered.

At the sight of a trembling Chizuru, his eyes looked worriedly from her to Souji.

The younger samurai only patted Chizuru's shoulder comfortingly as he met Shinpachi's eyes. "She can hear Saito-san." He stated grimly.

Shinpachi's eyes saddened and he turned his attention to Chizuru, coming to kneel down in front of her.

"I'm sorry you have to hear this, Chizuru-chan."

Another cry of pain echoed.

"Maybe...maybe you shouldn't be here right now."

He made to move but she grasped his shoulder with her hand, and a strangled sob escaped as she struggled to speak. "N-no I-I c-c-can't leave-not-n-n-now-! Not w-when h-he's-"

Another drawn out cry of agony.

She shook and her frightened cries filled the room as she fell against Shinpachi's chest and sobbed uncontrollably against him.

"Shh...It's alright Chizuru-chan; he will pull through. Saito is the strongest man I know."

She cried harder. "Hajime!"

Shinpachi looked at Souji who suddenly held an expression of shocked recognition.

"Is-is she-?" He couldn't quite bring himself to ask it.

Shinpachi only spared him a moment's longer of a look before he glanced down at Chizuru and began to rub soothing circles on her back.

"Holy-shit." Souji breathed and ran a shaking hand through his hair.

"Don't, Souji; it isn't your place to make assumptions-it's none of our business okay? So don't even think about breathing a word or I'll kick your ass from here to Tokyo."

His expression was deadly serious.

Souji nodded, knowing better than to push any further.

"Don't worry, Chizuru-chan; Saito _will _make it." Souji echoed Shinpachi's previous words but he wasn't sure if he was trying to convince her-or himself.

# # # #

Over the next few days, Hajime devolped a very high fever and chills.

Doctor Matsumoto came to examine him but it wasn't looking good at all. There was no change and something had to be done. The doctor along with Kondo, Hijikata, Shinpachi and Souji-who had since healed from his wounds-met outside Hajime's room and talked in hushed urgent tones.

"Something has to be done; I'm very concerned that his fever had not gone down and yet his skin is icy to the touch and the chills are wracking his body; he's so exhausted that his immune system barely has any strength to fight off the infection."

The faces of the other men grew grim as doctor Matsumoto continued his diagnosis.

"Well there must be something we can do; cold compresses to his head and hot ones for his body, perhaps?" Kondo-san offered.

"What about a hot bath-perhaps in the hotsprings?" Shinpachi put in.

"No no, the cold compresses are fine but hot compresses lose their heat too quickly to be effective. And the hot springs would only heighten his fever at this point, their heat is much too excessive; we need balanced heat that will warm his body up gradually, we don't want to shock his system, otherwise he could go into shock.

"Then what can we do, Doctor; we can't just stand by and do nothing." Hijikata's voice was strained and his brows pulled together in frustration.

Chizuru had rounded the corner and now listened intently to the mens' conversation.

"There is only one thing I can think of that we must do; Saito-san needs balanced heat as we've already established. The most effective way would be body heat by another person-that would be the quickest way."

He looked from one man to the next.

Suddenly, the meaning of his words set in and all eyes turned to Shinpachi.

"Oh hell. There's no way I'm getting in bed with Saito I-are you fucking kidding me?!"

"YOu are his closest friend, Shinpachi-kun; it makes sense that it should be you." Kondo spoke calmly though there was the smallest hint of a mirthful smile on his lips.

"Okay look, I'm worried sick about him but there's got to be another way, we're both men and if he wakes up-the guy will cut my throat, I know it!"

The men began to argue amongst themselves until a small but firm voice echoed in the hallway. "I'll do it."

Bickering ceased and all eyes turned to Chizuru who stood only a few feet away, red-faced but her eyes solid and determined.

Hijikata was the first to find his voice again. "Chizuru-chan...you do not have to do this."

"But I do. You all heard the doctor; he needs heat but it has to be balanced heat; not to hot so as not to shock his system." She turned to the doctor then, her cheeks flushing even more but her voice never wavered. "Body heat is the most effective, yes?"

He looked between the men, then answered, "Yes, it is Chizuru-san."

"Then use me."

Shinpachi laid a hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him. "Chizuru-chan; I know you want to help Saito-san just as much as we do but this is-it could be extremely awkward if he wakes up and discovers you-are you sure about this?"

Her eyes faltered for only a moment but then she nodded in affirmation. "Yes, I'm sure, Shinpachi-san-Hajime-san is strong but-he-he's-" Her voice quivered but she forced herself to stay strong.

"He's running out of time; we have to act now. I could never forgive myself if I could have done something but let my fear and embarrassment get in the way. I'm certain. Let's do this."

"Very well; if everyone is in agreement?" He looked around at the faces who each held their own doubts and uncertainties but all nodded in agreement.

"Then let us begin."

They stripped Saito down to his waist and at doctor Matsumoto's direction, Chizuru relinquished her garments for nothing but a thin yukata.

He explained; "There must be as little clothing as possible between you in order to effectively use your body heat to warm him; I'm sorry for the embarrassment and improprietous situation I am placing you in, Chizuru-chan but you agreed to this-and this yukata-though thin-will give you the decent coverage you need. I promise I won't make this anymore uncomfortable than I must."

The petite brunette's cheeks were flaming red and her eyes wide with uncertainty but she mutely nodded. She knew she could do this and she wasn't about to back out now.

The men stood around, each one's cheeks dusted with red as though they were all showing empathetic embarrassment for Chizuru as Matsumoto pulled back the covers and beckoned Chizuru to climb in beside Saito.

"Lucky bastard." Okita mumbled to himself which only earned him a very sharp jab in the rib from Hijikata's elbow.

Shinpachi shook his head and only watched on with uncertain eyes as Chizuru lowered herself-precariously-beside Saito.

She settled rigidly beside him and if possible, her cheeks flushed even more and her face looked like it could burst into flames at any moment.

"Forgive me, Chizuru-san but I must ask you to get as close to Saito-san as possible; I would say 'don't be shy' but I understand your embarrassment; I won't make light of it. But please do try to relax as much as you can."

"A-alright." Her voice quivered uncertainly.

Shinpachi touched Matsumoto's shoulder. "Here Doc, let me try."

Matsumoto nodded and stepped to the side as Shinpachi stepped forward and squatted down beside Chizuru.

"Alright, the rest of you out, this isn't a show and Chizuru-chan is discomfited enough as it is, she doesn't need you all gawking at her." Hijikata ordered and promptly cleared the room.

They all obeyed promptly, leaving only Shinpachi and the doctor left as the shoji door slid closed behind them.

"Hey, Chizuru-chan. I know you feel extremely awkward right now-well actually I don't really _know _but I can imagine. Just try to focus on what's important." Shinpachi gently encouraged her. "Don't think about how you're in the same bed with a half-naked Saito-"

"S-shinpachi-san!"

He chuckled. "Okay, okay sorry I was just trying to get you to smile, lighten the mood."

She smiled just then, appreciating his efforts at trying to calm her.

"Think about what Saito means to you. And to all of us and focus on how this is helping him; if you just keep your mind on that and don't think about the rest, it will just come to you easy." He grinned encouragingly at her and she smiled back.

"Arigatou, Shinpachi-san. I can do that-I think."

He ruffled her hair. "Atta girl."

"Alright Doc, let's leave these two; I think it will be easier for her to completely relax once there's no one scrutinizing her.

Matsumoto nodded and followed Shinpachi to the door. "Just call on me if you need anything, Chizuru-chan, I won't be far away. This is a very brave and selfless thing you are doing-Hajime Saito is a very fortunate man." He offered a warm smile before disappearing, sliding the door shut with a soft thud.

She was finally alone.

No one in the room except her and Hajime.

Her cheeks flushed again but she squeezed her eyes shut and struggled to focus on Shinpachi's words:

_ "Focus on what he means to you...this is helping him and if you can focus on that and just forget about everything else, the rest will come to you easy."_

"I am-helping him. This will save Hajime-san's life-" She raised her head and for the first time since climbing into his bed, took a timid glance at Hajime's sleeping face. He looked so pale and the harsh furrowing of his brow told her he wasn't resting peacefully. The fever must be raging in him fiercely, she thought. Suddenly, she couldn't tear her eyes away and all of her embarrassment seemed to evaporate as her eyes scanned every line of his face.

Even in the midst of an infectious fever, he still looked dashingly handsome.

Her cheeks flushed at the thought, a tiny smile gracing her lips. She carefully scooted in closer, pressing herself against him as much as she could-never taking her eyes from his face.

His shallow breathing seemed slightly changed-growing a little deeper and more steady.

_Could it already be working? _She wondered, wide-eyed.

Her eyes traveled from his forehead, to his eyes-down his nose and stopped at his mouth.

She loved his mouth.

She always had but she didn't realize it until now.

Something about the way his lips formed that serious confident curve of a line that he was so known for; most found it a bland unpleasent expression, often misconstruing it for boredem or cold disintrest.

But not Chizuru.

There was something beautiful and honest in the shape of his mouth.

She couldn't put a name to it but at the same time, she knew it without a doubt-and for that, she adored his mouth.

Her eyes then trailed down the column of his neck and ended at the broad expanse of his strong chest.

Her cheeks flushed again-perhaps even a flicker of heat sparked in her belly as she rested a tentative hand to his chest and lowered herself closer beside him, resting her head ontop of the hand that pressed against him.

Shifting herself as carefully as she could, she finally settled herself to where she was comfortable enough and then removing her hand, she wrapped her arm around his torso and closed her eyes, hugging him to herself.

"Please, Hajime-san-open your eyes. You have a promise to keep." Quiet tears spilled down her cheeks as she closed her eyes and continued to whisper.

"You promised you'd always-be by my side-so you can't leave me..."

She was eventually lulled to sleep by the sound of his heartbeat.

"Please..._wake up."_


	6. Wake Up

**A/N: Hey just a few quick things! Saito might seem a little scary/forceful in these next coming chapters but that is because the tension between him and Chizuru is escalating now and at times it overflows! yayyy! So I'm sorry if some of you don't really like how I portray him dealing with all these overwhelming emotions but I'm doing it this way simply because Saito has always tried to surpress and ignore them instead of facing them and as we all know, when we shove down our emotions and bottle them up, eventually, everything will burst and it doesn't always happen in the prettiest of ways...but don't worry, he's not gonna do anything bad, lol; he's just gonna be a little crazy and out of control at times! Stay tuned! XoXOX**

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Saito opened his eyes.

He was surrounded by light.

A bright blinding light all around him.

_Where...where am I?_

Then he heard a voice; soft like the coo of a dove, calling to him in the distance.

_ "Hajime-san...please wake up. You have a promise to keep.."_

Then, he felt something wet on his cheek.

He reached up his hand-feeling it.

"Tears? What...why are there tears."

Then the voice called out to him again.

_"You promised you would always be by my side. So please...you can't leave me."_

Then he saw her, off in the distance.

It was the faintest outline of her sillhoette but...he knew it was her.

_"Hajime-san. Please...wake up...open your eyes...wake up."_

"Chizuru..." He went towards the sound of her voice, reaching out his hand.

# # # #

Hajime's eyes flew open.

He was in his room.

_I...it must have been...a dream... _He thought as his eyes slowly adjusted to the dimmed light in the room and he looked around.

It must have been just before dawn because he could tell the sun was not yet up.

He tried to move but there was something weighing him down on his left side.

He tried again; attempting to turn over on his side but the heaviness wouldn't rescede.

He furrowed his brow.

Then grunted as he attempted to push the weight off.

Then he felt it.

Warmth.

Something warm was resting in the center of his chest but at his movement, it slowly slid off of him and disappeared somewhere between the covers.

He wiggled a little more, turning his head towards whatever unknown heavy, warm substance that had him pinned.

And his eyes widened.

Chestnut hair brushed against his lips and nose, assaulting his senses with cinnamon and a hint of Sakura blossoms.

Thick, long eyelashes began to flutter as honey brown eyes opened-then widened at meeting his startled stare.

"C-Chizuru-chan-!" He gasped in disbelief; what on earth was she doing in his bed?!

"Ah-Comen, S-saito-san." She instantly looked down, hiding her face from him behind the curtain of her bangs.

"You-you've been unconscious for several days. Doctor Matsumoto s-said you had an infectious fever. And the chills. Your-your skin was like ice to the touch but you were sweating. It-he told us it wasn't good. He said we needed to get warmth to your body to get rid of the chills so-so that your system would have enough strength to fight the infection-Uh-I-well he said body heat was the best option. But none of the others-well of course they wouldn't-so I-I said I would do it." She finished at last, her cheeks flamving brighter as she told the story.

He laid there motionless, listening to her tale and his eyes never left her.

He couldn't believe that she had done this-that she had borne all this embarrassment and discomfort, for him.

His condition must have been serious-though he wouldn't remember as he was unconscious through it all.

He did remember the pain.

The overwhelming pain that had burned through his skin like fire that first night when he'd awoken from merciful unconsciousness; it had been unfathomable and he had only been too grateful when he had once again, mercifully passed out.

But the rest, he wasn't aware what happened after that or-even before that was hazy. They had been on their way back from Aizu-and then...

And then...

An ambush?

It was all so blank, that part of his memory but seeing as it mattered little now, he shook his head, returning his thoughts to the present-precarious-situation.

Namely, Chizuru in _his _bed.

"I-I know that this is-a shock. Matsumoto warned me-as did Shinpachi that the possibility of you waking up and discovering me was-very likely."

He watched her as she nibbled nervously on her lower lip.

Subconcously, she had even begun shifting her body away from him little by little;

he felt her warmth gradually fading as her nearness inched further and further away and he found himself quite displeased with her warmth suddenly seeping out of him.

"I know what this looks like to you-and you are more than within your right to be angry with me-for putting you in such an unproprietous situation without your consent-I will understand but-you were running out of time, Saito-san-and the doctor was adament that we had to do what we must and not wait anymore."

For the first time since waking and discovering Chizuru in bed with him, Saito spoke. "Chizuru-chan. Look at me."

Slowly and hesitantly, she turned her face upwards; her bangs fell to the side and her fightened chocolate brown eyes met his.

He searched her face intently.

Her eyes were drawn and the shadow of dark circles was evident around the under edges and outer corners of her lids.

Her face was paler than usual; she looked like she hadn't slept well in days!

And knowing her, that probably wasn't too far off from the truth, especially with her being so consumed with taking care of him.

He shook his head inwardly.

_This woman is far too selfless; she's going to run herself into the ground way before her time._

But he couldn't deny the warm affectionate feeling that was seeping through his veins; afterall, she had done all this...and just for him! Inspite of himself, he felt getting impaled by that spear was the best thing that could have ever happened to him...it had landed the woman of his dreams right in his bed, and of her own free will!

Wordlessly, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her soundly against his chest, eliciting a startled gasp from the petite brunette as her face landed against his bare chest.

Chizuru's hands unintentionally pressed against Saito's chest as he suddenly pulled her against him and tucked her head under his chin.

She was surprised and unprepared for this sudden close contanct and for a few moments, she just laid there rigidly, not even daring to breathe.

Then his soft, deep voice reached her ears. "You look exhausted, Chizuru-chan-it isn't yet morning. Don't worry about me, my fever seems to have broken." He reached up and laid the back of his hand against his forehead, as if to confirm it.

His hand came back down and cradled her head against him.

Slowly, his fingers slowly began combing through her chestnut locks, soothing her and eventually, she relxed again, allowing her body to rest fully against his as her eyes grew heavy.

"Just sleep Chizuru-chan-I'll be here when you wake up." He offered softly.

She smiled contentedly as she instinctively snuggled deeper into his arms and allowed sleep to overcome her.

# # # #

Chizuru's eyes fluttered open and from the golden light trickling in through the window, she surmised that it must be late morning.

She shifted, looking up to find Saito's face once again bathed in slumber. But this time, she could tell it was at last a peaceful sleep and a relieved smile spread across her face as she settled her head against his shoulder again.

She knew Hajime Saito's fever had indeed broken.

Which meant by all rights, she didn't need to stay in his bed anymore.

She was no longer needed as he was obviously on his way to recovery...

...but for some reason, she hesitated.

She could stay like this a little longer couldn't she?

I mean he had told her to just sleep; he hadn't made any indications that he wanted her to leave...and no one was here so it's not as if she'd be 'caught' if she just stayed here a little longer...

But then wouldn't she be unfairly taking advantage of the situation?

Of him?

Her expression soured at this troubling thought.

It wouldn't be right or fair to him...but at the same time, she had no desire to immediately make herself scarce.

In reality, she didn't _want _to leave at all.

She just wanted to stay in this little world of theirs and never leave it; let the rest of the world come undone around them, and she wouldn't care as long as her and Hajime could stay just like this...wrapped in each other forever.

But she knew it was nothing more than a fantasy..

A frivilous one-sided wish that couldn't be fulfilled.

Besides, her feelings for Saito were-as she'd already established-one-sided and to take advantage of this situation just to revel in his presence, wasn't really going to change anything.

It would only afford her temporary ignorant bliss that would too soon come to an end...only leaving her more empty and wanting.

She shook her head. As must as she wished to, she knew she couldn't stay here, in good conscience.

Shifting onto her side, facing him, she slowly and carefully raised herself to a sitting possition, ever watching his face for any signs of him waking.

All seemed well so far so she slowly began to slide back the covers.

Then a hand grasped her wrist and pulled.

Before she knew it, she was being pulled back and turning stunned eyes towards Saito, she found herself, falling ontop of him, his hand still wrapped around her wrist as he pulled her snugly against him than wrapped his arms around her waist, anchoring her body to him.

She gasped and her eyes widened to the size of saucers when she found her face was bare inches from hers.

Part of her hair fell into his striking sapphire eyes as he gazed up at her intensely.

"Where are you going, Chizuru-chan."

"I-I was-um-"

His arms tightened around her as he rolled to the side, still holding her fast to him.

He was hovering over her now, his one hand under her head as he brought his face down towards hers, watching with hidden amusement as her eyes widened even more and her cheeks flamed a bright red. "I didn't give you permission to leave did I?"

She was surprised at his bold question; yet he asked it so seriously and his expression remained emotionless as he waited for her answer.

"I-Comen, Saito-san but I figured with your fever broke, you wouldn't want me to-"

"I believe I told you-to call me Hajime, Chizuru-chan. Are you presuming to disobey my order?"

She thought she saw a hint of mirthful amusement pass through his eyes as he continued to pin her with his stare.

His bare arms wrapped around her coupled with his bare chest pinning her beneath him became increasingly difficult to ignore.

She could feel his heartbeating against her breast and each inhale and exhale of breath he took, she felt the rise and fall of it as it syncornized with her own breathing.

But soon, she feared she wouldn't be able to breathe-his nearness and his heat was overwhelming her.

His eyes were more intense than ever before and it was almost suffocating.

"Comen, H-Hajime-san but I-I-!"

In a split second, she was gasping and on the brink of hyperventilating.

Hajime's eyes widened in alarm and he raised himself up, letting her go. "Chizuru-chan, are you alright?"

She shakingly sat up, a hand to her chest as her breathing slowly returned to normal.

"Y-yes I-I think I'm alright."

He sat back away from her, giving her a little space as she finally regained composure.

"I'll get you some tea, Hajime-san."

And just like that, she was out of his bed and gone from the room without even a backward glance.

Hajime Saito's eyes lingered on the place where she had been just moments ago and he frowned.

He'd just been had.

# # # #

True to her word however, Chizuru returned with the promised cup of black tea-but her yukata was gone in favor of her typical kimono and hakama and oncce his tea was delivered, she didn't linger, only leaving him with a promise to return with his meal.

And so the day went.

Chizuru faithfully brought him his meals as well as his tea-but each time, she never stayed longer than was needed and she was quick to come up with an excuse to leave.

The minutes dragged by agonizingly slow until finally evening came.

Hajime decided he'd had enough of 'resting' and slowly-and painfully-ventured out of his room into the hall.

After a few moments of searching, he found Shinpachi come out of the dining room with his tray and he moved forward to greet him.

"Hey, Saito should you really be up already? You took a bad hit, Brother I don't think you should be-"

Hajime waved him off, his gaze turning anxiously to the dining room.

"I was hoping for a cup of black tea before bed."

"Oh well I'll get you some, why don't you-"

"Where is Chizuru-chan; she had promised to bring me my tea."

Shinpachi hesitated, his countenance suddenly falling as he looked grimly at his friend. "Well um I don't-I don't think she's up; she's been in her room since lunch-she hasn't come out."

Saito gave him an incredulous stare. "She-did you check on her? she's most likely overly exhausted, you shouldn't leave her alone-" He hurried to Chizuru's room but Shinpachi caught up to him and stopped him just before her door.

"Hajime-kun I-I don't think you should-"

Just then, both men were interrupted by the sounds of muffled sobbs coming from beyond the thin rice paper walls.

Hajime's eyes darted to the room and his expression turned from confusion to pained concern.

Shinpachi sighed. "She's been like this since lunch. I tried getting her to let me in but she won't even answer me, much less open the door; we've all tried."

Hajime shook his head, turning his eyes on Shinpachi as if begging for an explaination.

"You didn't see her the day Okita brought you home."

He began.

"And I'm glad you didn't-and I wish I hadn't." He ran a hand through his hair as another stifled sob came from Chizuru's room.

"I've never seen her-more terrified in my life. The minute she saw you unconscious and wounded like that...she went paler than a ghost and she was shaking all over. She didn't say a word the whole time; tears poured down her cheeks but she wouldn't let out a cry-she was so still when Kondo brought you in and then he sent her off to take care of Souji...he said when you came to and you were screaming, She-she lost it for a second. I went in to check on them and she was still shaking."

Hajime's eyes drifted to Chizuru's room and he caught a slight cast of her shadow as it flickered on the wall. He kept his eyes on that shadow as Shinpachi finished.

"But then just like that, she snapped out of it. But it wasn't like she stopped it was like she-like she just turned it all off. Then when the doc was talkin' about your fever and how we were running out of time, she came out of nowhere and volunteered to help you. She didn't even flinch, Saito; I could tell she was nervous and scared as hell but her eyes; they got that hard and determined look just like they had on the night she killed that Rasetsu, and she made up her when Hijikata tried to talk her out of it; hell, even I tried to talk her out of it sorta...but she wouldn't budge."

"She's-always been-stubbourn." Hajime stated matter-of-factly.

Shinpachi let out a chuckle. "Yeah, that is true, I guess we all know how she is. But the thing is...I think that through all of that, she never really let out her feelings; she's been keeping everything bottled up inside, trying to stay strong through all of this and-well when you woke up-I'm sure she was more relieved than anyone-but it finally all hit her and-she caved." He gestured towards the room as more muffled cries could be heard though now they were a little more subdued than the last.

"She shouldn't have been-so foolish; she should have let someone else-or just-"

"What. Let you die?" Shinpachi's eyes darkened with anger. "I can't believe you would even think she could ever do that, Saito. As if any of us could just let you die if there was something we knew we could do."

He couldn't help himself and he threw his fist into Saito's jaw, knocking the other Samurai off balance.

Hajime stumbled back, holding his jaw, looked startled at Shinpachi.

The younger man was glaring at him. "Idiot. Don't ever talk like that again. You do and I'll do much more than just hit you; that was a warning."

Then just like that, his trademark grin reappeared and he walked past Saito, clapping him on the back. "Well, I'm out. Either you're gonna keep standing there or go and talk to her-it better be the latter." He tossed a wave over his shoulder but didn't look back as he disappeared down the hall, leaving Saito alone with an obvious decision to make.

He looked back to Chizuru's room. His eyes closed, his brows creasing with a scowl. "Ah hell...Damn it." And he marched-as well as he could-purposefully to Chizuru's door and firmly tapped on the frame.

"Chizuru-chan." He called firmly, but his voice was softer than usual.

No answer.

He tried again, this time going to his knees-which also afforded his slowly-healing wound some relief. "Chizuru-chan, it's Hajime-open the door."

There was a few sniffles and then a whimper.

He waited.

Stillness followed.

"Chizuru-chan I may have many attributes but a patient man, I am not and you are testing my limits-open. This. Doo-"

Before he could finish, the door slid open swiftly and a tear-streaked, whimpering Chizuru was flinging herself head-long into him, her hands gripping the collar of his kimono as she pulled his face down towards hers...

...and kissed him.


	7. Breaking Point

Hi all! So sorry this is a late update but you know how it goes! Okay once again, I'm reitterating that Saito is gonna seem a bit scary and aggressive in these following chapters but that is because I'm trying to show how much emotion this guy's been bottling up inside! And we all know, when you keep so much locked up inside, it eventually explodes and gets messy so thats what's happening here. Also, as the saying goes, it's the quiet ones that you've gotta watch out for! ;)) Okay enjoy this lemony chapie! RRs are always appreciated!

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Saito's eyes widened and his entire body became rigid.

Chizuru clung to him desperately, her lips trembling as she pressed them to his with so much ferver as if her life depended on it.

Finally, Saito somehow managed to find his voice as well as regain control of his fozen limbs. "Ch-Chizuru!"

He gripped her shoulders and pushed her back from him, looking at her tear-stained face in complete astonishment.

"C-Comen-I'm so-I thought you were-H-Hajime-san!" She contiued to cry, gripping the front of his kimono in her fingers and burying her face in his chest.

"I don't know what I would have-"

"Chizuru-chan you-why did you just-"  
>She raised her head then and looked into his eyes earnestly.<p>

"I-comen-demo, Ashiteru! (Forgive me but I love you)."

For the second time, Saito's body froze and his hands dropped limply from Chizuru's shoulders.

"Chizuru-chan-you-"

She shook her head ardently. "I know, I know what you're thinking but-I'm sorry, I know you don't feel the same, I just-I love you! After coming so close to losing you, I just-I couldn't keep it in anymore, I had to tell you!" She looked up into his eyes beseachingly.

Saito was at a complete loss for words.

He could only stare wide-eyed at her, wondering where this had all come from.

How was this suddenly happening?!

"You-no." He abruptly shook his head and turned from her. "You don't know what you're saying, Chizuru-chan; you are upset."

"No, no I _do know! _You don't understand, it's not just because of what's happened, I've-I've loved you since the moment I-"

"Just stop it!" He demanded sharply, turning and raising his hand in silence.

She gasped, taken aback by his outburst.

Saito shut his eyes and grimaced. He lowered his hand, shaking his head.

"You can't-you cannot tell me-these things, Chizuru-chan; it isn't right."

She dropped her head, feeling the sudden rush of stinging tears in her eyes.

She'd known all along that her love was unrequited and yet...

Yet somehow, hearing it still broke her heart as if she'd been holding out a great hope that her feelings would be returned.

"I-I'm s-sorry but-I."

"No I-Chizuru-chan you are so young and innocent-I just-I don't want you to say such things when you do not understand the weight of them."

Her head snapped up suddenly and a hint of hurt and resentment flashed in her honey brown eyes. "You-you do not believe me. You don't think I know my own heart?!"

"Chizuru-chan, please you-"

"No!" She burst out at him. Her hands began to shake and the tears were coming but she was determined to stay strong and say what she needed to say. "You have-every right to _reject _my feelings for you; I know you do not feel the same way and that is-that is your right but-do _not presume that you can just dictate what I do and do not feel! I am not lying! And I may be young but I am perfectly aware of my heart and I know exactly what I feel!-just because you are disgusted by what I feel for you, doesn't mean you have any right to accuse me of lying!" _

"Disgusted?!" He whirled on her.

"Now _you _presume to put words and thoughts into _my head as to what I'm feeling and thinking?" _

She'd clearly hit a nerve and the evidence was clear by the shear anger displayed on Saito's countenance-his eyes had narrowed and darkened to a piercing cobalt, his brows drawn together in a harsh V and his mouth was pressed in a thin indignant frown.

"You know-_nothing of what-I feel!" _He hissed out venemously.

The poison in his voice caused Chizuru to shudder and shrink back from him, hurtful tears escaping down her cheeks.

"This discussion-is _over." _And with that, he turned on his heel and stalked out of the room angrily, not even bothering to close the shoji behind him.

The moment he was gone, Chizuru fell to her knees and the tears of hurt and anger overflowed as she burried her face in her hands.

# # # #

For the next three days, Chizuru didn't leave her room except to carry out household duties and to bring tea to Hijikata and Kondo.

She no longer took her dinner with the rest of the group, but prefered to retire to her room early with nothing more than a small piece of bread and a cup of tea.

The men were getting worried-especially Shinpachi and he had a sneaking suspicion that something bad had happened between Chizuru and Saito-his suspicions were confirmed when his comrade also made only ocassional appearances and even though he took his meals with the rest of them, Saito was completely silent and more stoic than usual.

One evening, Chizuru decided to take a short walk outside; she was growing tired of the confines of her small room, despite the fact that she still wanted to avoid everyone.

Once outside, she pulled the thick blanket more tightly around her shoulders and brushed the long strands of chestnut hair out of her eyes.

She had on a simple periwinkle house Yukata, coupled with a thick white winter kimono overcoat and her hair was down, cascading down her back in lose chestnut waves.

She made it to the well before she suddenly heard footsteps and turned around suddenly was surprised to see Harada walking about with his large spear over his shoulder.

"Oi, Chizuru-chan? What in hell are you doing up and out?! You know I could've killed you just now if I hadn't noticed it was you!"

"Oh-Comen, Harada-san; I honestly didn't think anyone else was up and about."

The young samurai relaxed completely, brushing a hand through his red hair and smiling down at her. "Yep! I'm always the last one up-heh, and the first one." He winked at her.

But Chizuru offered nothing more than a faint smile that didn't reach her eyes as she looked away.

"So-listen, I'm not trying to pry or anything but you haven't been yourself lately and-well we've all noticed; we're really worried about you, Chizuru-chan." His voice was gentle and laced with concern.

Chizuru looked up into his kind worried eyes and for a moment, she wished that she'd had more sense to fall for someone like Harada or Shinpachi; they were both such lively, caring and compassionate men and above all else, they weren't afraid of their feelings-they always spoke their minds, never leaving anyone in doubt of how they felt. It was a refreshing quality.

Hajime was also kind.

And compassionate, she knew this in spite of herself.

But he was the most withdrawn, private and stoic man she had ever met.

And he buried his feelings and emotions down so deep, one would almost think the man was incapable of feeling anything!

Even though she knew he felt-very deeply, because she had seen it.

But this didn't make her feel any better or aleviate the sharp sting of hurt and confusion that still cinched around her heart making her chest ache with every breath.

If only she hadn't have been so mindless as to tell Hajime what she felt...

...if only she didn't love him.

...If only...

"Harada!"

Chizuru gasped and whirled around.

Hajime stood about five feet from her and Harada and his posturing spoke volumes that he was less than pleased.

The clipped tone of his voice when he called Harada's name was also a dead giveaway and Chizuru couldn't help but wondering what on earth had him in such a disgruntled mood.

"Oh hey there, Saito; you're still up?!" Harada's eyes widened in shock and then an astonished chuckled escaped his lips. "Well I'll be damned, I guess miracles do exist!" He tossed a wink at Chizuru over his shoulder.

"What are you doing out here-and why are you with Chizuru-chan?" Saito's tone completely dismissed all of Harada's previous remarks and his lips pulled together in a taught line as he waited for an answer.

"Uh well to be honest I just ran into her; she was out walkin' by herself and I got startled-told her she shouldn't be out here but then-"

"Chizuru-chan. What are you doing out of your room in the middle of the night?" Hajime demanded, ignoring Harada's explaination and cutting him off completely.

He averted his eyes to where Chizuru stood just behind Harada and from his standpoint it almost looked like the brunette was shaking.

_She can't be cold...does she fear me?_

The thought caused his eyes to narrow marginally.

He directed his attention back to Harada who was looking bewilderdly between the pair.

"Thank you, Harada-for keeping an eye on her; that is all-you should go and get some rest."

"Uh right." And taking one last uncertain look over his shoulder, Harada jogged off to the shofuso, leaving the violet haired samurai and trembling woman alone in the moonlight.

Chizuru kept her eyes turned to the ground.

She was still feeling the sting of hurt and humiliation and couldn't bring herself to look him in the eyes.

"You shouldn't be out here alone. It isn't safe and you know better-"

"Yes, I'm sorry." She cut in.

Saito gasped.

Chizuru made a shallow bow at the waist. "I just needed some air but I shouldn't have been out alone; I'll return to bed now." And with that, she started to walk passed him and back towards the house.

When she'd reached his side, his hushed, serious tone caught her off guard and she stopped. "You've been behaving strange-and this kind of behavior is-unusually careless, even for you."

A sliver of anger cut into her and for a moment, she turned resentment-filled eyes on him. "Perhaps but then it is not as if I'm not known for being-'careless' I should think you'd be used it it by now-"

His eyes widened in anger and he shot out his hand, grabbing her around the arm. "What has gotten into you; you never speak like this-Chizuru-chan." He was demanding an explaination.

"Nothing." She hung her head, her voice returned to it's subdued tone. "I'm tired, please I just want to go to sleep."

He wouldn't release her right away but the young woman was emotionally exhausted and her frustration had broken her last nerve.

She wrested her arm from his grasp, again leaving him in utter shock at her outburst. "Tebanasu! (Let go.)"

It was just a whisper but it held so much pain that Hajime's anger disipated, leaving him guilt-ridden.

"...Chizuru..."

"Ie...please I...I just want to sleep...I just want to forget...I want to sleep." The last word cut off into a soft whimper.

Wordlessly, his hand released her and she fled to the house without a look back.

Once in the safety of her room, the hurt overwhelmed her and the tears washed over her as she fell to her knees, covering her face and sobbing quietly.

Saito walked silently to his room but his ears picked up on hushed, anguished cries and his steps halted.

It was Chizuru.

He gritted his teeth, slamming a fist against the wall, leaving a dent.

_Damn it. How did it come to this?_

He knew he'd hurt her...deeply; it had been what he was desperately trying to avoid. That is why he had kept her at arms' length all this time and yet somehow...all it had done was backfire on him and now...

...now the woman he loved with every last shred of his soul, was in pain because she believed that her feelings for him were unrequited.

...but more than that, she believed they were _disgusting _to him.

He shook his head, clenching his fist as it suddenly grew exceedingly painful to breathe.

How could she ever think such a thing?

Why would she ever believe that _any _man could ever find her love and kindness something to loathe and despise? It made no sense to him!

_Any _man would give everything he had for the chance to have Chizuru as his.

But he was certain none would give more than himself.

And it was this thought that suddenly broke down the walls around Hajime's heart and the last link of chain which had for so long kept all his emotions locked away, shattered in an instant.

His head snapped up.

His sapphire eyes blazed with renewed determination and ferver and he marched right past his room until he stood before the threshold of Chizuru's quarters.

Chizuru sensed someone outside her door and lifting herself out of bed to a seated position, she brushed the tear trails from her face as best she could.

There was a soft but firm tap.

"H-Harada-san?" She questioned quietly.

But the sillouhette seemed off; it couldn't be Harada.

Furrowing her brows, she stood hesitantly to her feet and moved noiselessly towards the door.

She slid it open a few inches and gasped when she caught a pair of blazing Sapphire eyes behind the curtain of violet hair.

"S-Saito-!"

Saito pushed himself into the room, simultaneously slidding the shoji closed behind him without a sound.

He uttered only two words as his arms came possessively around Chizuru's back and pulled her aggressively to him. "I can't."

...And he kissed her.

It was abrupt and gruff.

Chizuru's eyes widened to the size of saucers and she squeaked; Hajime's lips pressed hard against hers however, leaving no way for her to utter a single word or breath.

_ What's happening?!_

Saito had her across the room and pinned against the opposite wall, continuing his relentless onslaught on her mouth.

Her lips tasted so intoxicating; like a forbidden fruit and when his hands slid to her hips, gripping her, she gasped into his mouth and her breath was like a honeyed sake that left him drunk.

Chizuru's head was reeling but her lungs burned for air and finally, she managed to forcefully push against him just enough to take in a much-needed breath.

Hajime pulled back just barely to allow her to take a breath but he had no intention of letting her go or of stopping.

"S-Saito-s-san!?" She managed to gasp but was cut off by a hot, warning glare form the blue-eyed samurai.

"Do not speak. You will not move, Chizuru." He dropped the honorific in her name altogether, leaving her completely breathless at the ardent way he spoke her name.

"I-but I-"

He growled, pressing another bruising kiss to her lips, silencing her.

"I said don't speak!" He hissed against her lips. "You have no right to speak, not-until I have-had my say."

His fingers tangled into her lucious locks and he tugged her head back, leaving a burning trail of open-mouthed kissed down the side of her neck.

Chizuru gasped, her hands instinctively gripping his shoulders as her body shuddered at this unknown, delicious sensation.

Hajime left her neck, bringing his face back up to look into her eyes and then he stepped back from her. "You said that you knew your own heart. That your feelings-were real and honest. But then you said it was because of my rejection of those feelings that I refused to believe you; you said-I was-_disgusted-_by your confession." His spit out the word, his face twisting in anger as he remembered the moment.

"I-I just-I couldn't believe that-"

"You didn't know what I felt, Chizuru! You _assumed. _Why? Because you were too afraid of the truth? Because there was a small part of you that-actually believed or _feared _that I might in fact feel the same?"

She was aghast. Her brown eyes widened and she shook her head, trembling. "I'm-sorry but I-I just didn't think-I never would have believed that-"

"Enough." He commanded, pulling her roughly into his arms again.

He held the back of her neck fast with one hand, winding his free arm around her waist to keep her from escaping.

His face was bare inches from hers and his Sapphire eyes suddenly looked like molten steel buring over an open flame. "You will never presume to know how I feel-again. you will _know _because I-will _show you." _

And with that, he turned her around in his arms so her back was flush against him. His right hand still wrapped around her neck but his hold was more gentle as he brought his other arm more securely around her waist.

_"Do you-feel this?" _He whispered hotly against her ear, tightening his arm around her and letting his hand trail down to her shoulder.

Chizuru sighed, panting out a barely audible "Y-yes."

Hajime gripped the material of her yukata, pulling the collar down and over her shoulder, exposing her beautiful and flawless ivory flesh.

His eyes marveled at the perfection of her skin-untouched by any man before this.

He couldn't deny how his body thrummed in positive desire, knowing that he was the only one.

_"Can you-feel my heartbeat?" He pulled her body more firmly into his own so she could feel his heart racing through her back. _

"S-Saito-san I-"

"I told you-call me Hajime; why must I repeat myself?" He hissed against her neck, landing a hot kiss in the juncture of her neck and shoulder, eliciting a soft whimper.

_"Chizuru-you cannot be ignorant of how I feel for you-not now." _He pressed a tender kiss to her bare shoulder and then gently turned her around to face him.

Her entire face was flushed red and her eyes were the brightest he'd ever seen them.

Her chest heaved up and down as she panted heavily.

"I-H-Hajime-san." her voice shook at the end and he brought up his hand to cradle her cheek.

"Shh...I am telling you, Chizuru-forgive me but I can't-I can't hide how I feel for you-any longer. And this is-it is truly selfish of me-and dangerous because once I-you will be put in terrible danger because of me-this-this I cannot allow, yet despite myself-" He lowered his head, grimacing as he once again fought with himself over what he _desired _and what he _knew _was best.

But his warring mind was silenced when tiny hands came up and cradled either side of his face.

Brown eyes, swirling in hues of honey and milk chocolate, pierced earnestly into his sapphire orbs.

"Hajime-san-I cannot bare another day-another moment of not-being by your side! I know you feel as though you are putting me in danger but I-I've faced so much danger, I've been surrounded by death since the day I came to live with the Shinsengumi and that will not change whether I love you or not; the pain of having to lie to myself is worse than death to me."

"Chizuru-"

She tiptoed and pressed trembling lips to his.

He inhaled sharply, wrapping her tightly in his arms and kissing her back fervently.

"E-even so." He whispered between kisses. "I cannot have you with me openly. Not now. It is too much of a risk. The conflict with the Choshu faction is fast approaching and if they were to learn that you were-"

She frowned sadly, trying to withold the tears that threatened to fall once more.

"Then-you are rejecting me-again." She turned away from him, making to walk way but the samurai grabbed her and pulled her back, his eyes blazing again.

_"Never!" _He breathed huskily, claiming her lips in another hot passionate kiss, slipping his tongue into her mouth and tasting her shamelessly.

She whimpered and a soft moan clawed it's way up her throat.

_"I will never-reject you-Chizuru-you-are all I've ever wanted-I must have you."_

"Then-why must you-"  
>He laid a finger over her mouth. "Because, if we do not keep this a secret-for now, then it will bring danger to not only us but to everyone-<em>this alone <em>is a risk!"

Her eyes widened in child-like wonder as she gazed up at him. "Then-why didn't you keep away?" She asked innocently.

His heart constricted at the pure innocent look on her face and the way her eyes were so round and almost child-like caused his heart to tremble.

She was bringing him to his knees and she didn't even know it.

"Because-_I couldn't. I couldn't-keep away from you-any longer." _He almost forced out his answer as though it was both relieving and painful to admit the truth of his weakness.

For it was indeed his weakness.

She had always been and always would be the chink in his armor and he knew it.

_"I have-loved you-since the moment-I first saw you. I resented you back then; quite strongly I might add. I thought we should have just killed you on the spot and it angered me that Hijikata refused." _

Chizuru laughed a little, tilting her head to the side in wonderment. "But you loved me?"

He looked her square in the eyes. "Yes. I did. And I do...with every breath in my body."

She blushed, looking down. "I-I never would have known; that you loved me, that is-the loathing me part, I definitely knew loud and clear."

It was Hajime's turn to laugh ruefully.

It was a rich throaty sound that rumbled in his chest and Chizuru found her self exceedingly enchanted by the sound.

"You should laugh more often-I like the sound of it coming from you-and it-makes your eyes laugh too." She brushed the backs of her fingers against his cheek.

"Chizuru..."

"Hajime-san-I know you have said that-that we cannot _be _together; that we must-keep what we have a secret. I-I don't like it and I'll state that right now."

The handsome samurai sighed heavily, knowing already that she would protest.

"But-but I understand your reasons even though I do not agree with your methods. And I will agree to it...under one condition."  
>He groaned, running a hand through his hair. "Woman, you are wearing on my patience."<p>

She giggled, suddenly flashing him a saucy smile that had the fierce warrior stuttering and blushing.

"What is my-penance then?" He asked.

It was Chizuru's turn to blush furiously and for a moment, she wasn't certain if she could do this.

But she knew what she wanted.

Despite all the odds that were against them, she knew that if all they were to have was just this one night-if the possibility of a future was ripped away from them, she wanted to leave this life with no regrets, especially when it came to Hajime.

She knew he loved her, he'd told her as much and she in turn had left him in no doubt of her feelings.

But now, she wanted more.

She wanted him to _show her. _

She took a deep breath and mustered all her courage to look him in the eyes. "Will you-show me?"

"What?" He gasped, catching the meaningful, wanting look in her eyes.

"I want you to_-show me how much-you love me." She lifted timid eyes, looking up at him from beneath her eyelashes._

"Ch-Chizuru-chan-are you-are you certain of what you are asking?"

"Yes. If-if there is no-future for us-despite the hope we may have that there is-then-I do not want any regrets-I don't want to look back on this wishing that I-that had-" Her face looked like it would burst into flames.

Hajime couldn't hold back an amused chuckle, his hand cupping her cheek and looking down at her. "You are a brave one, Chizuru-there is no woman that I know who is stronger or braver than you-if this-if this is what you truly want-then-" He leaned down and kissed her deeply, pulling back and looking searchingly into her eyes.

"You must be _certain. _Because once I take you to me-there will be no going back. And despite what you may think of me and my-'morals'-I am still a man-and I will only be 'asking' this-_once." _

She smiled knowingly and trustingly up at him. "I am certain."

He waited a few more moments but he couldn't refute the certainty in her eyes nor his own incapability to refuse her.

He would never be able to refuse her-_anything. _He knew in the depths of his heart that he would go to the darkest hell for her if she asked him to. And he would brave impossible dangers just to keep her safe.

He held out his hand. "Then. Come with me."

Taking his hand she allowed herself to be led out of her room and into the darkened hallway. "Hajime-san?" She whispered.

He held a finger to his mouth, hushing her.

He led her noiselessly down the hall and back to his own room. Once inside, he closed the shoji behind them wordlessly and walked to the opposite side of the room, removing his outer cloak and laying it aside.

He removed his white sash as well, leaving it ontop of his discarded cloak and then turned back to face Chizuru.

She looked breathtaking, standing just inside the threshold of his quarters; her long chestnut hair waving down her back and the thin house yukata accentuating her long-unseen curves, leaving him breathless and in awe of her hour-glass figure.

"Hajime-san...why are we...i-in your room?"

He shook his head inwardly at her ever-present innocence.

He cleared his throat and made his best attempt at confidence. "A man never takes a woman in _her own bed _Chizuru."

Her eyes widened and snapped to the neatly made, large futon that sat in the middle of the room.

Now that the moment was upon them, her body began to tremble with anticipation and a hint of fear-after all, she had never been with a man in her life!

Her skittering thoughts were pulled back to the present as Hajime took a steady step towards her, locking his dark eyes on hers in a serious look tinged with desire.

"I warned you-I would not-be asking you again. You cannot turn back now, Chizuru."

She gasped as he closed the distance between them.

_"Now-I will have you." _He breathed hotly against her lips, plunging his tongue shamelessly in her mouth as he devoured her.

His hands raked hungrily up her body, lingering at the curve of her hips and then wrapping possessively around her waist as he pinned her against him.

_"You-cannot escape me-now. Chizuru-you are-__**mine." **_

In one swift movement, he had the tie of her yukata pulled lose and discarded.

Next, he thrust his hand between the folds of fabric and he moaned when his fingers met with silken bare skin.

Chizuru gasped, her hand flying to grip his arm as his hand thrust more eagerly beneath the fabric, finding her bare waist and pulling her roughly against him.

_"You are-too covered, Chizuru-I'm disrobing you this instant." _And grasping the collar of her yukata, he pulled and the light fabric was partially torn from the force as he pulled it from her body.

Chizuru gasped when the chilled air in the room assulted her bare skin but then goosebumps appeard when Hajime had her turned in his arms and pulled open his own yukata, now pulling her bare body flush against his own bare skin that was consequently hotter.

"Ahhh...!" She gasped and sighed.

_"Now-you won't be cold-yet I can still-have you as I want you." _His mouth descended to her bare shoulder where he left several love bites and even allowed himself a few licks, tasting her sweet flesh and causing her to moan with each erotic ministration.

_"I want you to remember this, Chizuru-remember-everything that you think-and everything that you feel-right now-in this moment. I want to burn it-into your memory. So that no matter where you are, you will always remember-the feel of my touch-the heat of my breath on your skin-the taste of my kiss." _He brought his lips up and claimed hers once more, loving how her body instantly shuddered at his touch and reveling as she sighed into his mouth.

"Ha-Ha-ji-me I-I don't know if I-can stand t-this-a-any-m-m-more!" She panted, turning in his arms and looked into his eyes pleadingly.

Picking her up, he carried her to his bed and then knelt down, gathering her into his lap so she was facing him.

_"Chizuru-you must listen to me-I need you to listen and understand me."_

She wriggled impatiently in his arms, pulling him to her and kissing him with eagerness and need.

He could tell she was getting impatient and it was clear that her body was in dire need of his-she desperately wanted to be one with him and that much was clear in not only her body language but in the pleading look in her eyes and the feverish urgency of her kiss.

_"-Wait-Chizuru you-you have to listen to me-aishite imasu. (I Love you)."_

Chizuru pulled back and looked at him wide-eyed.

Even though he'd told her before, the intonation of his voice this time was different. It was much more ardent and passionate than the previous and it left her breathless.

"Hajime..."

_"You must know that. Aishite Imasu-with all of my heart. Body. And Soul. I need you to know this because-because I do not ever want you to-forget this moment-and why I-"_

She kissed him with all the love and passion she possessed and then pulled back to look in his eyes. _"Watashi...wa anata o totemo aishite." She said. And her eyes welled with tears._

Saito could scarcely believe his eyes or his ears.

She loved him.

Chizuru _loved him. _And more than anything, she wanted to give him her heart, her body and soul.

_"I cannot believe-I never would have dreamed-that you-would be-__**mine." **_He breathed huskily against her lips, pulling her body as close to himself as he could as he finally let the last remnants of fear and uncertainty fall away.

He claimed Chizuru as his own; her heart and body were now his and no power in heaven or hell would be able to take her from him.


	8. At Last

Just before dawn broke, Chizuru quietly slipped from her place beside Saito and began to redress. Last night's whirlwind passion kept replaying itself in her mind, making her blush madly and also very reluctant to leave his side.

But his words of caution kept resounding in her head; if anyone knew of their secret, it could be dangerous and even though she didn't agree with his reasoning, she couldn't shake the unsettling feeling that nagged in the back of her mind.

At that moment, she let her eyes drift to the handsome face of the still-slumbering Hajime and her heart leapt at the sight of him. She still couldn't believe that after all this time, she was finally here; in the arms of the man of her dreams, clandestine though it was. It felt like pure heaven and utter bliss when she thought of the ardent declarations they had made to one another, intermingled with their endless passionate love-making, only hours ago.

Her honey brown eyes strayed to his face once again, the hatred for leaving him growing ever stronger.

But she shook her head, knowing if she lingered, she ran the risk of them both getting caught. She was just about to stand to her feet when she felt long, slender fingers wrap around her wrist-firm and warm.

She turned to find Saito's piercing Sapphire eyes fixed on her and he looked wide awake.

"I'm sorry...did I wake you?" She asked in a whisper-soft tone that brought instant, heady warmth to the handsome Samurai's heart.

"It was the loss of your warmth that woke me." He answered back just as softly, his eyes raking longingly over her face and coming to a stop at her wide doe-like orbs.

Chizuru blushed. "O-oh." Was all she could manage as her cheeks flamed and the giddy excitement zipped up her spine causing her to shiver.

"Is it almost dawn then?"

She nodded.

"I see. Then that means you must be back in your room before then." He rose to a seated possition and the blankets fell away, exposing his lean, and muscled torso.

Chizuru's eyes caught sight of his bare chest and chisled abs and she had to tear her eyes away before he caught her furious blush.

But her efforts were too late; Hajime caught the flaming hue staining her cheekbones and he grinned.

"You've seen _all _ of me, yet when I am merely _half _naked, you blush?"

"H-Hajime-san!" She gasped, her eyes flitting to his face and then away when she saw the teasing look he gave her.

He took hold of her hand and surprised her when he pulled her back down to the futon with him, wrapping his arms around her and anchoring her body atop of his.

Chizuru gasped and squirmed, feeling impossible heat growing in more places than just her cheeks.

Hajime fixed her with a serious expression, all teasing seemed to have vanished from his eyes as he held her against him. "I have taken you to me many more times than I believe I can count at the moment...and yet you are still so...innocent." But he spoke it in the most endearing manner as he lovingly cupped her flushing cheek and brought his lips to meet hers in a deep kiss.

Chizuru's nervousness and embarrassment melted away at the moment of his touch and she sighed happily as her body relaxed against his, and returned the kiss with equal enthusiasm.

But they both knew, this blissful moment had to come to an end; the son was rising and it would not delay its awakening even for two lovers who were wrapped in the bliss of finding each other at last.

"It's nearly sunrise...I must go."

Saito made a small grunt in protest when he felt her pulling back from him gradually but he knew he had to let her go and so his arms released her as she pushed up from her place on top of him and stood to her feet.

"You are right-though I-_hate it._" He hissed as he stood with her and walked her to the door.

She turned back to face him, reaching up timid fingers that ached to stroke his cheek.

He laid his hand over hers, turning his face inwards to plant a loving kiss to her palm before looking once more into her bewitching eyes.

"Don't worry, it will be breakfast soon...you'll see me there and I promise...I'll have black tea waiting for you." She graced him with one of her radiant smiles before ducking out into the deserted hallway and back to her room.

"Until then. He whispered after her, landing one final kiss to her fingers as they slipped out of his grasp.

# # # #

Breakfast came at last and when Hajime entered the dining room, he could hardly hold back the warm smile that pulled on the corners of his mouth when he was met with the sight of Chizuru kneeling gracefully at his place setting, pouring his morning tea. Only Shinpachi and Heisuke were present and when he inquired after the rest, it was discovered that Hijikata had been sent on an early morning errand for Kondo and that Harada and Souji had already eaten earlier and were off on morning patrol.

He therefore seated himself at his traditional place and did his best to keep his eyes averted to any and everywhere else besides Chizuru. He realized he'd grossly over-estimated how difficult it would be to maintain his serene decorum in her presence, following the night of reckless passion they'd shared and he groaned inwardly at his own careless misguided notion that it wouldn't be any more difficult than before.

It was ten thousand times worse in fact! Just her kneeling beside him as she poured his tea, proved exceedingly distracting for the normally vigilant and focused Samurai and what was even worse is when she leaned into his personal space in order to refill his teacup when it had been emptied!

He could smell the sakura blossoms on her hair each time she leaned across him and damn it, his traitorous nose tortured him further by picking up the hint of cinnamon that lingered on her skin.

His whole body began to ache painfully with longing...but at last, the meal was concluded and as Chizuru cleared away the meal trays, he was finally allowed a merciful moment to escape out onto the engawa where he took the time to _breathe _ and calm his wracking nerves.

This was going to be a _very long day. _The violet-haired Samurai groaned to himself but deep down, even _this torture _ was blissful in itself because it only proved that he _finally _had everything he'd ever wanted...

The woman he loved was _his at last. _


End file.
